It started to rain at a quarter to two
When the children both cried,
"We've got nothing to do!"
They played their ker-plunkers and spun their spin-daddies,
Why, they even found mother's vibrate-a-ratties.
When suddenly, there came a knock at the door.
The boy nudged his sister:
"Go get it, you whore!"
She rose from her seat and walked towards the noise.
"Who could it be?"
She hoped it was boys.
But what entered the house through the fog oh so thick
Was the Cat in the Hat with an enormous dick.
He sang a short song and played a few toots,
When all of a sudden, he noticed poor Boots.
The boy searched around for a pen and a pad.
"This guy's a pro, much better than dad."
But before the two children could learn a new trade,
The Cat pushed them outside,
"I'm trying to get laid!"
So with nowhere to go but over the hill,
The children set off to the town of Whoreville.
They passed a few vagrants, a hooker, a corpse,
Trying their best not to vomit, of course.
Though it got very hard as they passed by a can,
Where a man tried to [Bleep] out some Blue Eggs and Spam.
Finally, they arrived at their mom's place of work,
As a jolly old man walked out with a smirk.
It was Itchy McGray, who was there every day,
And though his doctors sure pleaded, he could not stay away.
He had caught whore diseases, he has picked at whore scabs,
Why, he even picked up a case of "whore crabs."
But, all of a sudden, he started to run,
Because the children's drunk father showed up with a gun!
He was mean, he was mad, he was seven feet tall,
But the bulge in his pants was two sizes too small.
Which may have explained why he went on a spree,
Of shooting the whores as they started to flee.
"One bitch, two bitch, old bitch, new bitch!"
He said with a laugh as their bodies did twitch.
He stared at his wife as he squeezed on his GLOCK.
"I know it's your job, but why'd you Hop on my Pop?"
"We needed the cash,"
She said through her tears,
"And besides, you haven't touched me in years.
But I've got just the thing!"
She knew just what to do.
"Let's go home right now and make three kids, not two."
And so, the kids' father got his own way,
And the bulge in his pants grew three sizes that day.
And the low-income family began life anew...
...At least 'til next month, when the rent would come due.
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