W...where am I?
Relax, Mr. Smith. You're in an alien hospital. I mean, to you, it's an alien hospital. To me, you're just in a hospital. There's another matter we need to discuss with you.
Okay.
An hour ago, Shrimply Pibbles, the galaxy's most influential civil rights leader, was brought to this hospital's emergency room where he is currently fighting for his life.
My God!
Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibbles' life can be saved... if we replace his heart with your human penis.
I see... Wait, what?! [the doctor presents an anatomical hologram to Jerry]
It's perfect. The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call your balls—and with relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be moulded into a functioning heart for the most important man in the universe.
Yeah, but, I mean—
Oh, forget it! I told you this was a waste of time!
Have respect, Yarp. The Earth man's world is tiny and undeveloped. He knows nothing of the genocides of Clorgon, or the tragic events of 65.3432.23/14.
And even if he did, he wouldn't comprehend them. I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, "Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-So Dick. I've got such-as-such for a penis." I never saw it fail to get a laugh.
All right! That's enough! You guys are talking about my species! We understand genocide! We do it sometimes!
Then you would give your penis so that Shrimply Pibbles might live?
Stop asking!
Yes, I will! That's right, assholes! Take my penis. Take it all!! And tell Shrimply Pibbles that when the galaxy came calling, Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!
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