[Morty sees Morty Jr. turned into monster in the living room]
Morty Jr.! Smoking?! That is not okay!
What are you gonna do, ground me?! I can't go outside anyway!
So what?! Y-Y-You could do things inside! Y-You could play guitar, you could masturbate!
I don't wanna masturbate! I wanna conquer the planet!
Oh, here we go again! Y-Y'know, who do you think is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?!
Love... that's all you care about! What about weapons?! What about domination of the enemy?!
All right, that's it! No more History Channel! This TV is for cartoons and video games only!
I hate video games!!
You take that back!! [they fight over the remote] Give it to me!! [pushes Morty Jr.] I-I-I-I— I didn't mean— I didn't mean that! I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry!
[runs to the door] I can't take this anymore!! I'd rather breathe poison than live another minute with you!!
No! No, no, no! Stop!!
[Morty Jr. nudges Morty back and walks out of the house. He takes a deep breath and holds it in; he pauses for a beat]
My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government's lame! [runs into the street] Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn't born on Christmas! They moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!
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