There's nothing wrong with the Olympics that modern science can't fix.
Right, like using aerodynamic computer modeling to develop better ski jumping techniques.
No, like replacing the skis with heat-seeking missles and the jumping with exploding.
Well that seems a little extreme. How would you improve curling?
Replace the big rocks with grenades.
Figure skating?
Landmines.
Downhill skiing?
Laser gates.
Speed skating?
Everyone gets a bayonet.
Snowboarding?
Fewer hippies. And add polar bears. In fact, every event could use more polar bears.
Ok, well, what about the luge?
Ahh, allow me to demonstrate. Let's suppose Griff over there is our lugey. Alright Grif, just like we rehearsed it!
Yeah, I'm going for the gold! (gets hit by rocket) Tell Michelle Kwan I always loved her!
(after blowing up luge athlete Grif) I call it, "Rocket Luge". In Europe, it's called the space program.
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