Inquisitor, Rimmer and others in “The Inquisitor”

You have been granted the greatest gift of all: the gift of life. Tell me - what have you done to deserve this superlative good fortune?

Well, I - I say this with the highest respect, but...what gives you the right to ask - no, actually, demand - that answer of me - your magnificence? (this last is delivered hurriedly with a bow)

ALL must answer to the Inquisitor!

But how do I know I'll get a fair hearing?

Because...like all who stand before the Inquisitor...your judge shall be...(he flips up his visor revealing...Rimmer!)...yourself!

Oh, smeg.

'Oh, smeg' indeed, matey!

Everyone is judged by their own self?

It's a bit metaphysical, I know, but it's the only fair way. Now then: justify yourself.

Well...first, I've -

Liar!