Stop bidding on my waffle iron.
You're futuremrstigerwoods?
I made that profile, like, ten years ago. I don't know how to change it. The point is I'm getting that waffle iron for Leslie for Breakfast Day.
Uh, no, you're not. I'm getting it for her for Waffle Day. Wait, you have a breakfast day too? Mine's in June.
Please, Ben. This is the celebration of the anniversary of the first time we hung out at JJ's, which she considers the beginning of our friendship.
Well, imagine being married to her. It's like being smothered with a hand-quilted pillow filled with cherished memories. I can't believe I'm complaining about how thoughtful my wife is. [loud to the room] Sorry, honey. I love you.
Look, I have known her for longer, I have five years' worth of anniversaries, so I have seniority.
Oh, god. Oh, no! We've lost the auction.
What- no!
Somebody swooped in at the last second, and now we're both screwed.
No! Okay, Tyrion Lannister, why don't you just cast a spell and get us the waffle iron back?
Oh, okay. I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. [pause] Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't. The Lannisters while very wealthy, do not possess the magical abilities of, say, the warlocks of Qarth for example.
This is why we don't hang out.
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