Chris Keller quotes from One Tree Hill

Chris

[to Nathan] You have any idea how many guys in the room wanna nail your wife right now?

Chris

[to Brooke] Ok, let’s see what you got. [goes through the cds] Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Lucky for you, crap sells.

Chris Keller

Let's see here: (looks at Brooke) slept with you, (looks at Haley) kissed you, (looks at Peyton) got slapped by you. Just like any other night on Chris Keller's tour bus.

Chris Keller

Oh okay so hey now we're going to make generalizations. So you're the jackass in high school who now gets to harass people and carry a gun.

Chris

Sorry, we're closed.

Peyton

Yeah, I know. I was just wondering if I could post this flyer on your board. I'm auditioning bands for a local talent night.

Chris

All ages night? Tell you what, you can post it if you take your shirt off.

Peyton

Excuse me?

Chris

Emo's crap. [Peyton's t-shirt says 'Finding Emo']. Gives punk a bad name.

Peyton

You think?

Chris

I do.

Peyton

Huh. Well, I guess those that can't do, sell records. You insult all your customers this way?

Chris

Well, since we're not really open, you're not really a customer.

Peyton

Whatever, I'm going to school.

Chris

Don't forget your 'Get Up Kids' lunch box.

Peyton

[hangs flyer] You know, it's real punk to be up at 7 am doing inventory.

Chris

I never went to sleep.

Chris Keller

Looking for your wife?

Nathan

You're funny. You're also done messing with Haley.

Chris

We're just rehearsing, man.

Nathan

No, you were rehearsing. That's over now.

Chris

Why?.. Can’t you trust her? I mean, isn't that what this is about? You love her.. you married her.. but can you trust her? 'Cause if you can, you got nothing to worry about right? Come on, man, I don't have a problem with you.

Nathan

You see, you do have a problem with me; a big problem! You could smile and act cool if you want to but the fact is, man: I used to destroy guys like you. Daily. It'd be a shame if something happened to this hand; you couldn't play that little guitar anymore huh? Just like it'd be a shame if you were taking advantage of Haley. Don't cry rock star.. ruin your make-up.

Nathan

I should've known you can't be honest.

Chris Keller

I can be honest.

Nathan

No, you can´t!

Chris

I kissed Haley...at the masquerade party.

Chris

Ow, man I was trying to help you!

Nathan

What? [hits him again]

Chris

See that's why I'm never honest! And stop hitting me!

Nathan

Stop kissing my wife!

Chris

I will, when you start kissing her!

Lucas

I don't know, it's all electronic I can't figure it out.

Brooke

Sorry

Lucas

But I do know, we should've stuck to the interstate and not taken the backroad just so Haley could see this sandwich shaped like "Elvis"

Haley

Hey!

Peyton

Okay hold on a second. I too, wanted to see the sandwich shaped like "Elvis".I'm pretty sure we all did, right?

Haley

Thank You

Peyton

And Lucas admit it, you wanted to see the "Elvis" sandwich too, didn't you?

Lucas

Fine! I wanted to see the "Elvis" sandwich okay? But that still doesn't change the fact that we haven't a single car pass by since we stopped.

Brooke

Eh..um...

Lucas

Until now

Nathan

It's a bus

Brooke

It's a tour bus

Peyton

Oh please be the Foo Fighters!

Skills

Please be Kanye

Chris Keller

Well, well.

Haley

Stupid "Elvis" sandwich

Chris Keller

Honey Grove! We're rolling right through there you guys should just totally Crash with me. Come on it'll be just like old times.. except without Nate tryin to kill me for singin' duets with Haley. Haley could sleep in my bed

Chris Keller

Though you're looking a little plump, Hales. (sighs) What the hell, I've had bigger chunk in my bunk.

I'm pregnant, you idiot!

Chris Keller

Oh.(looks at Nathan) Dude! Totally not mine!

Chris Keller

Chris Keller’s too pretty to go to prison.

Julian

Yeah, that’s what I said.

Chris Keller

You said Chris Keller was pretty?

Dan

You sure you thought this thing through, Keller?

Chris

What's that supposed to mean?

Dan

You say you want to help Haley. You have a thing for her. You have since high school.

Chris

So?

Dan

So from where I stand, this is a lose-lose for you. If you don't bring Nathan back, you've failed her. If you do, you lose her anyway. Once Nathan comes home, you're out of the picture.

Chris

So are you. Yeah, Haley told me all about it. Once Nathan comes back, you lose your family. So from where I'm standing, it's worse for you. Because I lose what I never had. But you had it. Your son, your grandkids. All of it. But here we are.