What in the name of bloody hell...?! I do not believe it! [Victor pulls a toupee out of the bread loaf, then reads the label] "J.L. Dinkins, Hairpieces of Distinction"?! Well, that just about takes the biscuit! I mean, dropping your wig in the bloody baking dough?! I mean, he must have realised it had come off, for God's sake! Well, this is just about it, this is the absolute limit of all bloody time! [Victor storms over to the phone and calls a number] I mean, what am I going to find next?! A false arm in the French stick?! Glass eye staring up at me out of the coconut meringues?! [Victor briefly tries on the hairpiece] Absolutely bloody hideous! It'd be much more sensible wearing a loaf of bread on top of your head! How anyone could be so-Hello! Yes, I'd like to speak to the manager please and quick about it! Meldrew. NO HE DOESN'T BUT HE BLOODY WELL WILL SHORTLY!
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