Dan Fielding quotes from Night Court (2023)

Dan Fielding

Afraid to open a box. Huh. Well, this place hasn't changed, right down to the guy fishing dead birds out of the ceiling. Hey, you know what? I wanted to ask you something. Say a lifetime ago, you worked with a guy, right? Had your ups and downs, but on the whole, like each other, respected, even. The job ends. You go your separate ways. Life happens. You live and you love. And you lose, big time, so you close off your heart. Then one day, the child of that almost forgotten guy comes to you and asks for your help. Would you take the chance? Would you... open that heart up again, let feelings in, knowing that undoubtedly, it would hurt again at some point?

Dan Fielding

And that is why I don't open up to people. But I am not afraid to open a box.

Dan Fielding

Oh! Harry! Okay. I'll think about it.

Dan Fielding

Yes, you know, they have this intricate system of locks and bars to make sure none of us leave.

Dan Fielding

If there's one thing I know about this generation, it's they love a banner.

Dan Fielding

Well, you're not helping. You know what? We just plead guilty. How do you put up with her?

Dan Fielding

Tonight, a lot of people's Christmases are gonna be ruined because of you (Abby). And I think that's fun. But to put it in more festive terms, 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the court, there were sex workers and muggers, of every odd sort. There were pub-crawling Santas and pickpockets and drifters, and a pretty tough Knife-fight between two angry re-gifters. The festive old Judge, who just loved the season, was crushed all night long by hard facts and cold reason. She wanted to be Rudolph, or maybe a cartoon St. Bernard, but because it's her job, she had to Grinch it real hard. Despite a perfect defense, off to prison they'll head. Merry Chris-wanker-whatever and all that sugary crap, she said.

Dan Fielding

Well, it's gonna sound a lot like the song "Tequila" by The Champs.

Dan Fielding

Hello, Roz.

Dan Fielding

I'm not gonna fight.

Dan Fielding

You don't get to say what's cool.

Dan Fielding

Would you stop that, please?!

Dan Fielding

(echoing) C-o-n-n-n-n-n-n-n!

Dan Fielding

Which briefcase should I buy?

Dan Fielding

Trust me, it's not just the waiters.

Dan Fielding

Yeah, people.