YYOCO
Nicky Harper turned house temperature to 95 degrees.
That's insane! YOCO, turn house temperature down to 70 degrees.
[Nicky comes downstairs wearing a bathrobe and towel on his head.]
NickyYOCO, 95.
Why would you want it to be 95 degrees?
Nicky
Because I didn't want it to be cold when I got out of the bath.
Nicky, Mom told you not to use her bathroom, and you better not be using all her expensive shampoo.
Nicky
Hey, it's not like- OW, YOCO! I finished the shampoo.
YYOCO
Finished the shampoo. Ordering more.
Wait, what just happened?
I think Nicky just made YOCO order more shampoo.
YYOCO
Ordering more shampoo.
Ugh, great! Now you just made YOCO order two shampoos!
YYOCO
Ordering two shampoos.
Great! Now you just made YOCO order four shampoos!
YYOCO
Ordering four shampoos.
Guys, stop! Nobody say "YOCO order more shampoo". Because every time you say "YOCO order more shampoo", she orders more shampoo. And if we keep saying it, we're accidentally gonna make YOCO order 50 shampoos.
YYOCO
Ordering 50 shampoos.
[first lines of the series]
You don't just dump chemicals into a beaker willy-nilly.
Well, I'm tired of all the waity-waity. Let's get to the dumpy-dumpy.
Nicky
Safety first. Goggles.
Chill. If I wear goggles, how are the ladies gonna see my eyes?
Nicky
Goggles!
Fine. Hey, babe. Let's make science.
Are we done, children? Can we let the science fair winner--
It's under review! I have a process, Dawn.
Willy-nilly! Willy-nilly!
[bubbling]
Nicky
Fools!
Me? You're the science fair runner-up! That's what you get for waiting.
Nicky
That foam is going to give you rashes!
Yeah? Well, happy scratching!
[Nicky screams and Dicky laughs.]
[Next scene.]
STScience teacher
For crying out loud! You could of gotten rashes!
Nicky
I told you.
STScience teacher
Nicky, there is nothing here for any of you to be proud of. Now I’ve called your parents--
[The quads complain]
STScience teacher
Save it! You can answer to them.
[knock at door]
STScience teacher
COME IN!!!
[Tom and Anne enter.]
NRNicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn
Hey, mom. Hey, dad.
[Intro to the next scene.]
This is the third time this month we’ve been called away from the store to come pick you kids up.
Sounds like quality family time to me. Am I right? Up top! Coming down.
AAnne
You know. every time I get a call from the school, I keep hoping it is finally that called that says, "Mrs. Harper, your quadruplets are amazing. And they are working together, and they are definitely not having a wet toilet paper war in the handicap stall". But it never is. It never is!
It’s their fault! Everything always has to be their way!
Well, I’m sorry if I care about my grade!
And I'm sorry if i don't.
[Madison and her friends arrive at Get Sporty's new golf course.]
MMadison
I would say this place is awesome, ~but it's not.
[annoyed] It's the But-er and those snobby country club kids.
[Madison's group walk up the the Quads.]
Nicky
Lacey.
HHamilton
[correcting] Hamilton.
MMadison
We heard you dad opened up a new golf course and we wanted to check it out.
SSpalding
[looks around] Spaceships, lasers, aliens...this place is like Cirque de Sole Lame in here.
[He and the other country club kids laugh.]
MMadison
Mini golf's to be played outdoors with wooden windmills and real wind.
I couldn't agree with you more. Now get out.
Nicky
Lacey.
Guy whose name I still can't remember!
HHamilton
[annoyed] Hamilton!
Hamilton! Why won't that stick? [muttering] Hamilton, Hamilton, Hamilton. Hamilton!
[writing in her diary] Dear diary...
[walks in] Hey, whatcha doing?
Nothing. Wait, what are you doing in here?
Oh, I'm in here all the time, usually when you're not.
Oh, 'cause it said diary and you said "Dear diary." So I figured it was a diary.
Nicky
Anything in there about us?
Look, diaries are for private thoughts, like rooms with signs on the door that say "No boys allowed."
Nicky
Huh, is that new?
Yeah, I think that's new.
No! It's been there since I moved in! Look, I respect your privacy and I would really appreciate it if you would respect mine.
Nicky
Don't worry. You can trust us.
[Later in Dawn's room. Nicky, Ricky and Dicky sneak in.]
Nicky
Coast is clear.
We got to find that diary and see what she writes about us.
No diary, just this weird ear-warmer thing.
These aren't ear-warmers. [puts it over his face] They're an old-timey toothache cure.
Nicky
No, they're workout bands. [stretches] Whoo!
[Dawn enters. The boys freeze in place.]
This is not what it looks like.
Nicky
We didn't come in here to play with your workout bands.
Those are my sports bras.
[takes her sports bras] Just go! I have a very long and angry diary entry to write.
Oh, by the way, where do you keep your diary?
Yeah, we looked everywhere for it.
[Dawn cracks her knuckles. Soon, the boys are in the hallway tied up by Dawn's bras.]
AAnne
You were in Dawn's room again without permission, huh?
NRNicky, Ricky & Dicky
Yep.
Wait, what did coach say?
Who cares what coach said? [suspiciously] Is there anything you two would like to tell me?
Nicky
No. Do you and Dicky have anything you'd like to tell me?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Nicky
Look, this is silly.
Yeah. We all trust each other, right?
Nicky
[in his head] Those two are definitely up to something.
[in his head] I don't trust those two at all.
[in his head] I really wanna know what coach said.
Now we can practice for our sleepover at the history museum.
Practice sleeping? I can do that with my eyes closed.
No, practice not sleeping. This is finally our year to go on the big class trip and something epic always happens. And if it happens in the middle of the night, I want to be awake so I can say: I was there when...
That says we saw the epic moment that became the stuff of legend.
We didn't, but we're hoping to be there when it happens.
DNDawn, Nicky and Ricky
THE EPIC MOMENT!
Nicky
Like the year Nick Powell got his pants stuck on the saber toothed tiger and pantsed himself in front of everyone.
Hey, I wonder what's gonna happen this year.
Oscar is always sticking his head in stuff. Maybe he'll get it stuck in something at the museum!
That would be epic. But nobody really gets their head caught in stuff.
[His head is caught in the railing.]
I just wanted to see if it would fit.
Turn your head the other way.
[Dicky does so and gets out.]
Well, time to not get to sleep.
Dawn, we're just as excited as you are. But don't you think it's best to get as much rest as possible before we go?
Nicky
He has a point. Shouldn't you be doing the exact opposite of what your plan is?
Even I see the value in a good night's sleep.
You play like you train, and you don't train for a marathon by sitting in a chair.
Nicky
I would.
[on the chair with a bowl of pretzels] I'm training right now.
Fine, don't stay up. But if this epic moment happens while you guys are all asleep, I'm not waking you.
Nicky
Alright, we'll stay up all night. How hard can it be?
[Later, Nicky, Ricky and Dicky are asleep.]
It's only been five minutes, you wimps!
I can't believe this. After all we've done to get here, now we're going to miss the epic moment.
Nicky
Well, none of this would have happened if we had just admitted we were sick and let Principal Tarian "gone" us.
No, none of this would have happened if Dawn didn't get us all sick.
Well, it's not my fault somebody shut the unfindable door.
Nicky
It's not my fault.
Well, somebody needs to be blamed!
Nicky
[points at Ricky] Then I blame you!
[points at Dicky] And I blame you!
[points at Dawn] And I blame you!
How did we get this reputation? We are not bad kids.
Yeah, we're so good, they could make a TV show about us.
Nicky
Yeah.
Dawn! Nicky, Ricky and Dicky.
No, it'd be called "Ricky! Dawn, Dicky, Nicky".
No, it'd be called "Dicky".
Nicky
You guys are all wrong. It'd be called "Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn".
Nothing says first day of the new quarter like a freshly laminated schedule.
Who needs laminating when you got a hand? This period, I have... [looks at his hand] ...Mystery.
No, I have no idea what this says.
Nicky
Well, the three of us have art class. [puts on a beret] Finally, a reason to wear this beret.
Plus, art's an easy A. But then again, aren't they all?
Wow. New quarter, same old Ricky already bragging about his grades.
To be clear, it's not bragging, it's just talking.
Well, it sounds to me like trash talking.
No, this is trash talking: "I'm gonna get a better grade than you in art class, and then I'm gonna brag about it".
GMs. Gressle
Pablo Picasso once said that art is a lie that tells the truth.
[puzzled] What does that mean?
GMs. Gressle
Exactly! I believe we all have an artist who lives inside of us, screaming to get out. [screams loudly] So today, I want you to create a piece that expresses you, your hopes, your dreams, your truth.
Oh, can I paint a self portrait?
GMs. Gressle
Any subject.
Nicky
Uh, can I make something out of food?
Nicky
Sweet! Or salty. Haven't decided yet.
Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn · 28 quotes
