Dicky quotes from Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn

Dicky

I shaved my head!

Nicky Harper turned house temperature to 95 degrees.

Dawn

That's insane! YOCO, turn house temperature down to 70 degrees.

Nicky

YOCO, 95.

Dawn

YOCO, 70.

Ricky

Why would you want it to be 95 degrees?

Nicky

Because I didn't want it to be cold when I got out of the bath.

Dawn

Nicky, Mom told you not to use her bathroom, and you better not be using all her expensive shampoo.

Nicky

Hey, it's not like- OW, YOCO! I finished the shampoo.

Finished the shampoo. Ordering more.

Dawn

Wait, what just happened?

Ricky

I think Nicky just made YOCO order more shampoo.

Ordering more shampoo.

Dawn

Ugh, great! Now you just made YOCO order two shampoos!

Ordering two shampoos.

Ricky

Great! Now you just made YOCO order four shampoos!

Ordering four shampoos.

Dicky

Guys, stop! Nobody say "YOCO order more shampoo". Because every time you say "YOCO order more shampoo", she orders more shampoo. And if we keep saying it, we're accidentally gonna make YOCO order 50 shampoos.

Ordering 50 shampoos.

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Dawn

Ow!

Ricky

You don't just dump chemicals into a beaker willy-nilly.

Dawn

Well, I'm tired of all the waity-waity. Let's get to the dumpy-dumpy.

Nicky

Safety first. Goggles.

Dicky

Chill. If I wear goggles, how are the ladies gonna see my eyes?

Nicky

Goggles!

Dicky

Fine. Hey, babe. Let's make science.

Ricky

Are we done, children? Can we let the science fair winner--

Dawn

Runner-up.

Ricky

It's under review! I have a process, Dawn.

Dawn

Well, here's my process.

Ricky

Willy-nilly! Willy-nilly!

Nicky

Fools!

Dicky

Science is awesome.

Ricky

Look what you did!

Dawn

Me? You're the science fair runner-up! That's what you get for waiting.

Nicky

That foam is going to give you rashes!

Dawn

Yeah? Well, happy scratching!

For crying out loud! You could of gotten rashes!

Nicky

I told you.

Nicky, there is nothing here for any of you to be proud of. Now I’ve called your parents--

Save it! You can answer to them.

COME IN!!!

Hey, mom. Hey, dad.

Tom

This is the third time this month we’ve been called away from the store to come pick you kids up.

Dawn

Sounds like quality family time to me. Am I right? Up top! Coming down.

You know. every time I get a call from the school, I keep hoping it is finally that called that says, "Mrs. Harper, your quadruplets are amazing. And they are working together, and they are definitely not having a wet toilet paper war in the handicap stall". But it never is. It never is!

Dawn

It’s their fault! Everything always has to be their way!

Ricky

Well, I’m sorry if I care about my grade!

Dicky

And I'm sorry if i don't.

I would say this place is awesome, ~but it's not.

Dawn

[annoyed] It's the But-er and those snobby country club kids.

Dawn.

Dawn

Madison.

Ricky.

Ricky

Spalding.

Nicky.

Nicky

Lacey.

Dicky.

Dicky

Other guy.

[correcting] Hamilton.

Dicky

Really? Okay. Hamilton.

Dawn

What are you doing here?

We heard you dad opened up a new golf course and we wanted to check it out.

[looks around] Spaceships, lasers, aliens...this place is like Cirque de Sole Lame in here.

Mini golf's to be played outdoors with wooden windmills and real wind.

Ricky

I couldn't agree with you more. Now get out.

Fine. Dawn.

Dawn

Madison.

Ricky.

Ricky

Spalding.

Nicky.

Nicky

Lacey.

Dicky.

Dicky

Guy whose name I still can't remember!

[annoyed] Hamilton!

Dicky

Hamilton! Why won't that stick? [muttering] Hamilton, Hamilton, Hamilton. Hamilton!

Dawn

[writing in her diary] Dear diary...

Dicky

[walks in] Hey, whatcha doing?

Dawn

Nothing. Wait, what are you doing in here?

Dicky

Oh, I'm in here all the time, usually when you're not.

Dawn

Oh! Get out.

Dicky

What's behind your back?

Dawn

Nothing, get out.

Dicky

Oh, 'cause it said diary and you said "Dear diary." So I figured it was a diary.

Dawn

It's not a diary.

Ricky

Ooh, you have a diary?

Dawn

No.

Nicky

Anything in there about us?

Dawn

Look, diaries are for private thoughts, like rooms with signs on the door that say "No boys allowed."

Nicky

Huh, is that new?

Ricky

Yeah, I think that's new.

Dawn

No! It's been there since I moved in! Look, I respect your privacy and I would really appreciate it if you would respect mine.

Nicky

Don't worry. You can trust us.

Ricky

Totally.

Dicky

Absolutely.

Nicky

Coast is clear.

Ricky

We got to find that diary and see what she writes about us.

Dicky

No diary, just this weird ear-warmer thing.

Ricky

These aren't ear-warmers. [puts it over his face] They're an old-timey toothache cure.

Nicky

No, they're workout bands. [stretches] Whoo!

Ricky

This is not what it looks like.

Nicky

We didn't come in here to play with your workout bands.

Dawn

Those are my sports bras.

Ricky

Ew, that was on my face!

Dicky

Gross, mine too!

Dawn

[takes her sports bras] Just go! I have a very long and angry diary entry to write.

Ricky

Oh, by the way, where do you keep your diary?

Dicky

Yeah, we looked everywhere for it.

You were in Dawn's room again without permission, huh?

Yep.

Dicky

Wait, what did coach say?

Ricky

Who cares what coach said? [suspiciously] Is there anything you two would like to tell me?

Nicky

No. Do you and Dicky have anything you'd like to tell me?

Ricky

I don't know what you're talking about.

Dicky

Me neither.

Nicky

Look, this is silly.

Dicky

Yeah. We all trust each other, right?

Right!

Nicky

[in his head] Those two are definitely up to something.

Ricky

[in his head] I don't trust those two at all.

Dicky

[in his head] I really wanna know what coach said.

Dawn

Now we can practice for our sleepover at the history museum.

Dicky

Practice sleeping? I can do that with my eyes closed.

Dawn

No, practice not sleeping. This is finally our year to go on the big class trip and something epic always happens. And if it happens in the middle of the night, I want to be awake so I can say: I was there when...

Dicky

[puzzled] When what?

Dawn

It's a saying.

Dicky

That says what?

Dawn

That says we saw the epic moment that became the stuff of legend.

Dicky

When?

Dawn

It hasn't happened yet.

Dicky

Then how did we see it?

Dawn

We didn't, but we're hoping to be there when it happens.

Dicky

When what happens?

THE EPIC MOMENT!

Nicky

Like the year Nick Powell got his pants stuck on the saber toothed tiger and pantsed himself in front of everyone.

Dawn

Hey, I wonder what's gonna happen this year.

Ricky

Oscar is always sticking his head in stuff. Maybe he'll get it stuck in something at the museum!

Dawn

That would be epic. But nobody really gets their head caught in stuff.

Dicky

Uh, guys?

Dawn

[sighs] Dicky.

Dicky

I just wanted to see if it would fit.

Ricky

Turn your head the other way.

Dicky

Whoa.

Dawn

Well, time to not get to sleep.

Ricky

Dawn, we're just as excited as you are. But don't you think it's best to get as much rest as possible before we go?

Nicky

He has a point. Shouldn't you be doing the exact opposite of what your plan is?

Dicky

Even I see the value in a good night's sleep.

Dawn

You play like you train, and you don't train for a marathon by sitting in a chair.

Nicky

I would.

Ricky

Sounds smart.

Dicky

[on the chair with a bowl of pretzels] I'm training right now.

Dawn

Fine, don't stay up. But if this epic moment happens while you guys are all asleep, I'm not waking you.

Nicky

Alright, we'll stay up all night. How hard can it be?

Dawn

It's only been five minutes, you wimps!

Dawn

I can't believe this. After all we've done to get here, now we're going to miss the epic moment.

Nicky

Well, none of this would have happened if we had just admitted we were sick and let Principal Tarian "gone" us.

Ricky

No, none of this would have happened if Dawn didn't get us all sick.

Dawn

Well, it's not my fault somebody shut the unfindable door.

Dicky

Well, it's not my fault.

Nicky

It's not my fault.

Ricky

Well, somebody needs to be blamed!

Nicky

[points at Ricky] Then I blame you!

Ricky

[points at Dicky] And I blame you!

Dicky

[points at Dawn] And I blame you!

Dawn

And I blame all of you.

Ricky

Me sick.

Dicky

Me sicker.

Nicky

Me sickest.

Dawn

Not... a contest.

Dawn

How did we get this reputation? We are not bad kids.

Dicky

Yeah, we're good kids.

Ricky

Yeah, we're so good, they could make a TV show about us.

Nicky

Yeah.

Dicky

Totally.

Dawn

Dawn! Nicky, Ricky and Dicky.

Ricky

No, it'd be called "Ricky! Dawn, Dicky, Nicky".

Dicky

No, it'd be called "Dicky".

Ricky

And?

Dicky

That's it, just "Dicky".

Nicky

You guys are all wrong. It'd be called "Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn".

Dawn

That's ridiculous.

Ricky

Yeah, right.

Dicky

Who'd watch that?

Ricky

Nothing says first day of the new quarter like a freshly laminated schedule.

Dicky

Who needs laminating when you got a hand? This period, I have... [looks at his hand] ...Mystery.

Dawn

You mean history.

Dicky

No, I have no idea what this says.

Nicky

Well, the three of us have art class. [puts on a beret] Finally, a reason to wear this beret.

Ricky

Plus, art's an easy A. But then again, aren't they all?

Dawn

Wow. New quarter, same old Ricky already bragging about his grades.

Ricky

To be clear, it's not bragging, it's just talking.

Dawn

Well, it sounds to me like trash talking.

Ricky

No, this is trash talking: "I'm gonna get a better grade than you in art class, and then I'm gonna brag about it".

Ricky

I can't believe we're stuck in this hoosegow.

Dicky

Yeah, we're all in this moose cow.

Ricky

[annoyed] Hoosegow!

Dicky

[confused] I don't know whose cow it is. You're the one who brought it up.