Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[A medico and teacher stop restless little Desirée from playing with Fingal's exposed brain, while Marco looks for more mischief.]
Servo: Is it "Children of the Damned Day" at the brain institute here?
Servo: Is it "Children of the Damned Day" at the brain institute here?
[A meteor has just landed right by Paul and Kathy.]
Kathy: Paul, are you alright? What happened?
Servo: She gets off the ground saying, "What happened?" a lot.
Kathy: Paul, are you alright? What happened?
Servo: She gets off the ground saying, "What happened?" a lot.
[A middle-aged man in a plane aims a rifle at Suzy and Frankie as they flee in their car.]
Mike [as Man]: [muttering] I see me a hippie. [shouting] Getcher hair cut, hippie! Not so "groovy", is it?
Mike [as Man]: [muttering] I see me a hippie. [shouting] Getcher hair cut, hippie! Not so "groovy", is it?
[A midget Tyrannosaurus rex (actually a hand puppet) growls at the Runaway in an alley.]
Crow: He's a Cute-a-saurus!
[The T-Rex lunges for the Runaway's neck]
Servo: He's being attacked by a schnauzer in a dinosaur costume.
[The Runaway stabs the creature in the neck and he goes down quickly.]
Mike: [laughs] Wow, that was easy! Maybe it was butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs?
[Shortly after the Runaway escapes, the dinosaur explodes.]
Servo: Ooh...no wonder fossils are so rare!
Crow: He's a Cute-a-saurus!
[The T-Rex lunges for the Runaway's neck]
Servo: He's being attacked by a schnauzer in a dinosaur costume.
[The Runaway stabs the creature in the neck and he goes down quickly.]
Mike: [laughs] Wow, that was easy! Maybe it was butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs?
[Shortly after the Runaway escapes, the dinosaur explodes.]
Servo: Ooh...no wonder fossils are so rare!
[A mine goes off underneath two of President Clark's bodyguards]
Mike [as Bodyguard]: Oh what did you step in!
Mike [as Bodyguard]: Oh what did you step in!
[A monorail is moving through Seattle over the opening credits]
Crow: Oh, these monorail designers - they have a one-track mind.
Mike: Why do you lash out like that?
Crow: I don't know.
Crow: Oh, these monorail designers - they have a one-track mind.
Mike: Why do you lash out like that?
Crow: I don't know.
[A montage of scenes show the posture-pal kids correcting each other's posture.]
Joel: Ah, they're gonna take this for about a half-hour before they end up killing each other.
Joel: Ah, they're gonna take this for about a half-hour before they end up killing each other.
[A museum guard salutes Dr. Jackson]
Mike: Uh, you don't need to salute the paleontologist.
Mike: Uh, you don't need to salute the paleontologist.
[A mutated man tries to hide from a spaceship, with a laser cannon attached to his arm.]
Servo [as Elmer Fudd]: I'm hunting spacecwaft...hehehehehehe.
. . .
[A closeup of the man reveals his gaunt complexion and the disc-shaped apparatus on top of the laser cannon on his arm.]
Mike: Edward CDplayerhands.
Servo [as Elmer Fudd]: I'm hunting spacecwaft...hehehehehehe.
. . .
[A closeup of the man reveals his gaunt complexion and the disc-shaped apparatus on top of the laser cannon on his arm.]
Mike: Edward CDplayerhands.
[A nametag-wearing mechanic sabotages Sam's truck and watches him leave, wearing a vaguely menacing expression.]
Servo [as Mechanic]: [evilly] They don't call me "Karl" for nothing.
Servo [as Mechanic]: [evilly] They don't call me "Karl" for nothing.
[A newspaper headline is shown reading "Fourth American killed in a few days. Will there be other victims?"]
Crow: Call our 900 number and vote.
Crow: Call our 900 number and vote.
[A newspaper headline reads "Philanthropist laid to rest".]
Servo: Ah, look at that. "Philanthropist laid." It's always the philanthropists... rock stars and philanthropists.
Servo: Ah, look at that. "Philanthropist laid." It's always the philanthropists... rock stars and philanthropists.
[A paunchy man in a black leather jacket is seen at the pool hall.]
Crow: Chubby Ramone!
Crow: Chubby Ramone!
[A person does the "knee test," where he puts his palms on his knees and swivels them]
Narrator: ...You will look poised and dignified.
Mike: Uh, no you won't.
. . .
Crow: Don't do this during the speech.
Red Zone Cuba (movie)
Narrator: ...You will look poised and dignified.
Mike: Uh, no you won't.
. . .
Crow: Don't do this during the speech.
Red Zone Cuba (movie)
[A phone rings.]
Crow: For depressing phone sex, dial 1-900-ALFALFA.
[John picks the phone up, but a ringing sound can still be heard.]
Servo: Oh, the foley guy must be calling!
Crow: For depressing phone sex, dial 1-900-ALFALFA.
[John picks the phone up, but a ringing sound can still be heard.]
Servo: Oh, the foley guy must be calling!