Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[A girl is dreaming of performing in front of a row of identical boxes.]
Mike: Pick your refrigerator, Lupita!
Mike: Pick your refrigerator, Lupita!
[A grocer's sign in the background reads "Look Polish"]
Mike: Wait-- "Look Polish?"
Servo: Huh?
Mike: It's--it was right there in the shot is was somethi--see? It says "Look Polish"!
Servo: "Look Polish"!
Crow: Or maybe it's "Look! Polish!"
Mike: Wait-- "Look Polish?"
Servo: Huh?
Mike: It's--it was right there in the shot is was somethi--see? It says "Look Polish"!
Servo: "Look Polish"!
Crow: Or maybe it's "Look! Polish!"
[A group is sweeping in the sand during an archaeological dig in the desert.]
Billy: Hey, I got something here!
Crow: It's Ron!
Billy: Hey, I got something here!
Crow: It's Ron!
[A group of henchmen run around a corner and immediately get shot to death.]
Crow [as henchman]: Whoa! That was dumb, can't believe we did that!
Crow [as henchman]: Whoa! That was dumb, can't believe we did that!
[A group of women skaters dressed as Zebras come on screen, and are described as actual animals.]
Servo: We're gettin' into a whole weird area, here.
Crow [as Narrator]: Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!
. . .
Narrator: And now, the little bareback rider exhalts in her victory over the wild beasts!
Servo: [nervously chuckling] Uh-huh...
. . .
Servo [as Narrator]: Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice!
Servo: We're gettin' into a whole weird area, here.
Crow [as Narrator]: Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!
. . .
Narrator: And now, the little bareback rider exhalts in her victory over the wild beasts!
Servo: [nervously chuckling] Uh-huh...
. . .
Servo [as Narrator]: Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice!
[A guitarist resembles Ralph Fiennes]
Mike: Hey, it's Amon Göth on guitar! [N]
Mike: Hey, it's Amon Göth on guitar! [N]
[A hard-boiled detective lazily investigates the house.]
Crow: This guy's gonna die of nonchalance.
Crow: This guy's gonna die of nonchalance.
[A heavy steel ladder hangs dangerously above an unconscious Trash]
Servo: Ah. The ladder of Damocles.
Crow: Yeah, so far his greatest adversary is a ladder.
Servo: Ah. The ladder of Damocles.
Crow: Yeah, so far his greatest adversary is a ladder.
[A heavy-set, stubble-haired Coleman Francis appears running from cops, identified by credits as the star]
Mike [as Announcer]: Coleman Francis is Curly Howard, in The Fugitive!
Servo [as Curly Howard]: Hey, Moe!
Mike [as Announcer]: Coleman Francis is Curly Howard, in The Fugitive!
Servo [as Curly Howard]: Hey, Moe!
[A homeless man is attacked and eaten by a dinosaur.]
Mike: You know, this has got to be about the last thing you worry about when you're living in a dumpster.
Mike: You know, this has got to be about the last thing you worry about when you're living in a dumpster.
[a hunter comes upon the pods in a cave, and begins to violently smash them with a large stick]
Crow: Oh, what is he, an L.A. Cop?
Crow: Oh, what is he, an L.A. Cop?
[A janitor puts Steve West's melted remains into a garbage can.]
Crow: [almost cracking up] So, how many monster movies end with a janitor scooping the monster into a garbage can?
Crow: [almost cracking up] So, how many monster movies end with a janitor scooping the monster into a garbage can?
[A Japanese Air Force pilot reports to his CO.]
CO: Ah, Captain Manikata. Come in, please.
Mike [as CO]: I understand you're stuffed with cheese.
CO: Ah, Captain Manikata. Come in, please.
Mike [as CO]: I understand you're stuffed with cheese.
[A jazz singer is heard over the opening credits.]
Servo: I guess they picked up Shirley Bassey hitchhiking.
Servo: I guess they picked up Shirley Bassey hitchhiking.
[A jetliner makes an emergency landing safely.]
Servo: Terror at... uh, sea level.
Servo: Terror at... uh, sea level.