Jordan Catalano quotes from My So-Called Life

Jordan

[to Angela, about sex] It's accepted! It's what you're supposed to do! Unless you're like...abnormal?

Angela

[voiceover, regarding Jordan] We both stopped talking. Part of his sleeve was touching my arm. I don't know if he knew. Then everything started to seem perfect for some reason. The feel of his shirt against my elbow, the fact that I still had an elbow. It was the perfect moment for him to kiss me, for him to anything me.

Jordan

[leans closer, then opens her car door] Well, I gotta go, so... Later.

Angela

[voiceover] I could have killed him.

So why are you here? You the new substitute?

Why am I here? Yeah, good question. I'm the new substitute, yes. I'm here quite simply to get paid. Assuming all of you can read and write, I don't perceive any emergency situation. That's all. Continue wasting your lives. [he pulls a folded newspaper out of his knapsack]

Sharon

So, um...are we like, dismissed?

Do you want to be dismissed?

Sharon

No, you just said that...you just said that was all you had to say, so...

I will be here for the next forty-seven minutes. Whether you will also be here for that time is, to be candid, your decision.

Jordan

What's the catch?

No catch. If you don't want to be here, go. I'm not gonna stop you. [Jordan immediately climbs out of his desk and heads for the door] Well, you know, there is just, you know, one catch. We will be discussing you in your absence, but you know, if you don't mind that...

Jordan

Yeah, right.

Oh, it's no joke. I have no lesson planned. Trashing you in your absence will help, uh, pass the time. Right? It could, uh, possibly be educational as well.

Angela

So what are we supposed to do?

Ah, I've known you all of five minutes and you want me to tell you what you're supposed to do? Fine. Follow your hearts and veer away from heroin.

Angela

[laughs] No, I meant in the next forty-seven minutes.

I know what you meant, that was sarcasm.

What kind of girl is Shakespeare describing here? Is she the most beautiful girl?

Brian

No.

Is she a goddess? Physically perfect? The kind of girl who stops traffic when she walks down the street?

Brian

[laughs] No.

So he's not in love with her?

Jordan

Yeah. He is.

Why is that? Why is he in love with her? What is it? What is it about her?

Brian

She's not just a fantasy. She's got, like, flaws. She's real.

Angela

[voiceover] The thing about resolutions is, it's hard to remember them around somebody like Jordan Catalano.

Jordan

This is wrong.

Angela

What?

Jordan

You, doing my homework, it's wrong.

Angela

Well I was just trying to help.

Jordan

It's like I'm taking advantage of you or something.

Angela

You're not taking advantage of me.

Jordan

Yeah I am. It would be different if we were like...but now you're just...you know, a friend or whatever. [pause] I can't do this anymore.

Angela

[voiceover] I couldn't believe it, for the first time in my life I actually stuck to a resolution.

Do you have like an eraser I could use for a second?

Brian

I think so..

My eraser like won't erase.

Brian

Um, here you can keep it.

Thanks.

Brian

What?

Jordan

She would sleep with you.

Brian

What?!

Jordan

She, would sleep, with you.

Brian

Because I gave her my eraser?

Jordan

No..Because, because she would. Go get her number.

Brian

What?! How am I supposed to get her number? I just like ask her just ask some girl I don't even know for her number? Like, without warning?

Jordan

So, anyway, The Odyssey? Is like this real long book right? And ah, I..

Brian

I don't believe this..[looking at number] I don't..you like dothis? This is like how you live?

Jordan

Yeah.

Angela

[walks in] Hi! What's so funny?

Jordan

Nothing.

Brian

You sort of had to be there..[more laughing] I have to sharpen my, my pencil..[gets up, laughs]

Angela

Look, if this weird for you, being tutored? I don't mind helping you a little longer.

Jordan

It's not so weird.

Angela

Oh, so, huh. Good!

Jordan

You could, have sex with me though..[Angela laughs] if you really want to help. [Angela gets up, laughing] I guess that's a, no.

Angela

[Laughing] I'll let you get back to your work...