Student, Mr. Racine and others in “The Substitute”

So why are you here? You the new substitute?

Why am I here? Yeah, good question. I'm the new substitute, yes. I'm here quite simply to get paid. Assuming all of you can read and write, I don't perceive any emergency situation. That's all. Continue wasting your lives. [he pulls a folded newspaper out of his knapsack]

So, um...are we like, dismissed?

Do you want to be dismissed?

No, you just said that...you just said that was all you had to say, so...

I will be here for the next forty-seven minutes. Whether you will also be here for that time is, to be candid, your decision.

What's the catch?

No catch. If you don't want to be here, go. I'm not gonna stop you. [Jordan immediately climbs out of his desk and heads for the door] Well, you know, there is just, you know, one catch. We will be discussing you in your absence, but you know, if you don't mind that...

Yeah, right.

Oh, it's no joke. I have no lesson planned. Trashing you in your absence will help, uh, pass the time. Right? It could, uh, possibly be educational as well.

So what are we supposed to do?

Ah, I've known you all of five minutes and you want me to tell you what you're supposed to do? Fine. Follow your hearts and veer away from heroin.

[laughs] No, I meant in the next forty-seven minutes.

I know what you meant, that was sarcasm.