Ivan Dobsky quotes from Monkey Dust

Hello, I'm Ivan Dobsky. I'm the Meatsafe Murderer, only I never done it but I said I did. I had to, otherwise they'd have put me head back down the toilet.

There's somethin' called "D" an' "A" and he knows I never done it.

Hello, I'm Ivan Dobsky. I'm the Meatsafe Murderer, only I never done it. I had to say that I did so they'd take the truncheon out of me bottom, only there's these two nice men called "D" an' "A" and they know that I never done it and they've told everyone. Can I have a quarter of a pound of cola cubes, please?

I never done it! I only said I done it so they'd take the rat out of my anus!

I never done it!

Karen Carpenter, she's my favourite! I bet she's old and fat now.

I'd like two tickets to Wembley Stadium to see Mud.

I never done it. I only said I did it so they'd take me bellend out the chilli sauce!

Who's it from?

Well, judging by the perfume and the feminine hand, I'd say it's from a certified lunatic.

Yippee!