Jack Robinson quotes from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

Jack

At this stage, the only benefit of your helping hand is that I might have a walk-up start when it comes to investigating your eventual murder.

Jack

Sorry I’m late. Constable Collins asked me to send his apologies. His football game ended in a brawl. He ended up arresting half the opposing team.

Jack

[At a French restaurant.] To think I managed to avoid snails the entire time I was posted in France. [He tries one and pulls a face.] Not bad. Like buttered pieces of India rubber.

Jack

Oh, good. Brilliant scientist, talented musician, dashingly handsome and an Ottoman prince.

Phryne

This lavatory’s fully occupied.

Jack Robinson

Police, open up.

Phryne

You must be the inspector. Apologies for my urgent call of nature.

Jack

This is the scene of a crime.

Phryne

Well, lucky for you, I’m wearing gloves. Miss Phryne Fisher.

Jack

I assume you weren’t close to the deceased.

Phryne

Never had the pleasure, but by all accounts he was charming. [To Hugh.] Do you think it was poison?

Hugh Collins

Most likely—

Jack

[Talking over the top of Hugh.] We are yet to determine the cause of death. Miss Fisher, I appreciate your curiosity for crime. [He starts to walk her backwards towards the door.]

Phryne

Well, every lady needs a hobby.

Jack

But please…

Phryne

Given the lack of bloodstains, I assume it wasn’t a violent death, unless, of course, it was strangulation. But the foetal position of the victim, although not terribly well executed, indicated a degree of pain rather than the flailing limbs one might associate with a struggle. And then, of course, there’s the fact that death occurred after breakfast, according to Mrs Andrews, which suggests something ingested? All wild surmise, of course.

Jack

Of course. Now—

Phryne

Do you have a card? In case I need to call the police. Because I’m a woman alone, newly arrived in a dangerous town.

Jack

I plan to make this town less dangerous, Miss Fisher. [He hands over a card.]

Phryne

Good. I do like a man with a plan…Detective Inspector Jack Robinson. [She looks him up and down before smiling and walking out.]

Jack

I wish I could change the laws for you, Miss Fisher.

Phryne

You can’t? Fine. I’ll just have to find a way around them. Good day, Inspector.

[Bursting into Jack’s office.] Miss Fisher needs you down at the Turkish baths on Little Lonsdale.

Jack

I hope she’s comfortable. She could be waiting a long time.

Phryne

Now, raise a glass to my new business.

Jack

What kind of business?

Mac

To my oldest friend’s newest enterprise: the Honourable Miss Fisher, lady detective.

Jack

So, if the compartment was locked, how did you get in?

Phryne

I hit the lock with me shoe.

Jack

Your shoe seems to have the ballistic capabilities of a .38 revolver.

Phryne

Fancy that.

Jack

Hmm. [He opens the compartment door and indicates for Phryne to enter.]

Phryne

So you’re letting me in?

Jack

It’s either that or watch you hound me through the door.

Phryne

They say the top speed’s 85 miles an hour, but I’m sure we can do better than that! [She drives off.]

Jack

Constable, is it possible Miss Fisher has just kidnapped the victim’s daughter and one of our suspects?

Hugh

It is now, sir.

Phryne

Can I offer you a drink?

Jack

Perhaps... just the one.

Phryne

What about babes of your own?

Jack

Er, no. No, we were never blessed.

Phryne

To all the kids who’ve been through the wringer then, Inspector Robinson.

Jack

You might as well call me Jack. Everyone else does.

Phryne

Very well, Jack. And you may call me Phryne, although hardly anyone else does.

Phryne

Can’t you take pity on him? Make me an honorary constable.

Jack

Uh, no thanks. Collins could do with the practice. Has he asked Miss Williams to the Fireman and Policeman’s Ball yet?

Phryne

Not that I’m aware of. Dotty wouldn’t keep that to herself.

Jack

He tells me he’s working on it.

Phryne

[Holding out some potato on a fork to Jack.] Try this gratin, Jack.

Jack

You’re not taking the situation seriously.

Phryne

I haven’t taken anything seriously since 1918.

Phryne

Shouldn’t you be clapping me in irons?

Jack

Too much paperwork.

Phryne

If I feed you some more, may I see what’s in that folder?

Jack

I don’t know who has the more fanciful imagination; Rogers for coming up with it, or you for working it out.

Phryne

Jack! Me, obviously.

Jack

I am a servant of the law, not its master.

Phryne

Well in this case, the law is an ass!

Jack

I found these plates under the floorboards of Leonard Stevens' apartment.

Phryne

What do you want me to do with them?

Jack

Have them incinerated.

Phryne

I thought you said your hands were tied.

Jack

[with a wry smile] Yes. But yours are not.