Phryne Fisher quotes from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

Phryne

Get away from that girl, both of you. Hands toward heaven!

Phryne

Up, you idiot.

Phryne

The scenery has vastly improved, Dot, and we haven’t even left the station.

Phryne

Dot, a woman should dress first and foremost for her own pleasure. Having grown up in second-hand flannels, there is nothing quite so divine as the feel of silk underwear.

Phryne Fisher

A luncheon. Today. With Lydia Andrews. How lovely! …oh. And Aunt Prudence.

Shame I have to perform an urgent bowel operation.

Phryne

This lavatory’s fully occupied.

Jack Robinson

Police, open up.

Phryne

You must be the inspector. Apologies for my urgent call of nature.

Jack

This is the scene of a crime.

Phryne

Well, lucky for you, I’m wearing gloves. Miss Phryne Fisher.

Jack

I assume you weren’t close to the deceased.

Phryne

Never had the pleasure, but by all accounts he was charming. [To Hugh.] Do you think it was poison?

Hugh Collins

Most likely—

Jack

[Talking over the top of Hugh.] We are yet to determine the cause of death. Miss Fisher, I appreciate your curiosity for crime. [He starts to walk her backwards towards the door.]

Phryne

Well, every lady needs a hobby.

Jack

But please…

Phryne

Given the lack of bloodstains, I assume it wasn’t a violent death, unless, of course, it was strangulation. But the foetal position of the victim, although not terribly well executed, indicated a degree of pain rather than the flailing limbs one might associate with a struggle. And then, of course, there’s the fact that death occurred after breakfast, according to Mrs Andrews, which suggests something ingested? All wild surmise, of course.

Jack

Of course. Now—

Phryne

Do you have a card? In case I need to call the police. Because I’m a woman alone, newly arrived in a dangerous town.

Jack

I plan to make this town less dangerous, Miss Fisher. [He hands over a card.]

Phryne

Good. I do like a man with a plan…Detective Inspector Jack Robinson. [She looks him up and down before smiling and walking out.]

Jack

I wish I could change the laws for you, Miss Fisher.

Phryne

You can’t? Fine. I’ll just have to find a way around them. Good day, Inspector.

Phryne

Good night, Aunt Prudence.

Prudence Stanley

At this hour? It's not safe! Why do you think you can just run off on your own?

Phryne

Because I’m carrying a gun. [She pulls out her pistol.]

Prudence

Phryne!

Miss, about the job? I don't know what my priest will think of your…guns and knives and…dancing.

Phryne

Considering your last employers were a drug baroness and a rapist? Surely he'd find me a modest improvement.

Phryne

Now, raise a glass to my new business.

Jack

What kind of business?

Mac

To my oldest friend’s newest enterprise: the Honourable Miss Fisher, lady detective.

Phryne

Constable Collins, how lovely. Tell the inspector I’ll be right with him.

Hugh

Uh, the inspector’s not here, Miss.

Phryne

But he thought it important enough to send you?

Hugh

Only to tell you, in his words, “to stay in your compartment, to please resist the temptation to interfere, and to not bandy about his name for your own convenience.”

Phryne

Well, you can assure the inspector that none of this is very convenient.

Jack

So, if the compartment was locked, how did you get in?

Phryne

I hit the lock with me shoe.

Jack

Your shoe seems to have the ballistic capabilities of a .38 revolver.

Phryne

Fancy that.

Jack

Hmm. [He opens the compartment door and indicates for Phryne to enter.]

Phryne

So you’re letting me in?

Jack

It’s either that or watch you hound me through the door.

Phryne

They say the top speed’s 85 miles an hour, but I’m sure we can do better than that! [She drives off.]

Jack

Constable, is it possible Miss Fisher has just kidnapped the victim’s daughter and one of our suspects?

Hugh

It is now, sir.

Phryne

And you must be Mr Butler!

Pleased to meet you, Miss Fisher.

Phryne

Oh, sorry, I forgot to telephone ahead about my extra guests. We’ve all been somewhat distracted by Eunice’s mother’s murder.

A murder, miss?

Phryne

I do hope they chloroformed her first, but hanging’s never pleasant. [Jane walks past.] Keep your eye on this one. She’s a stowaway, a thief, and probably needs delousing. I expect the police will come looking for her, but you can just refer them to me. [She starts to walk inside, before turning back.] Oh, and while I remember, careful with the hand luggage. My pistol’s in there somewhere and it may still be loaded.

Of course, Miss. [He looks up at Bert and Cec who are on the balcony.] Appreciate the warning.

Hugh

The inspector is expecting you at the station in the morning to explain why you abducted a juvenile.

Phryne

Well, I’m sure I’ll have a very good answer by then.

Phryne

Can I offer you a drink?

Jack

Perhaps... just the one.

Phryne

What about babes of your own?

Jack

Er, no. No, we were never blessed.

Phryne

To all the kids who’ve been through the wringer then, Inspector Robinson.

Jack

You might as well call me Jack. Everyone else does.

Phryne

Very well, Jack. And you may call me Phryne, although hardly anyone else does.