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Midnight Mass

Never made much sense to me. We all say there's a heaven. And it's waiting for us. Then we claw, fight, beg for a few minutes at the end. Minutes.

It isn't about us anymore. It's about everyone else in the world. Dying for people we haven't even met. No greater love than that. What the Good Book says, isn't it?

Bev, I want you to listen to me. Because your whole life, I think you've needed to hear this...You aren't a good person.

Well, that was uncalled for.

God doesn't love you more than anyone else. You aren't a hero. And you certainly, certainly aren't a victim.

I wouldn't lecture, Annie Flynn. Not until you pull the plank from your own eye, as it were. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but if Riley Flynn, a drunk, and a murderer, was evidence of the quality of his parenting...

He was. Every part of him. And God loves him. Just as much as he loves you, Bev. Why does that upset you so much? Just the idea that God loves everyone just as much as you?

St. Patrick's isn't just a church, Monsignor. It's an ark. I set up cots in the rec center for those who were chosen. We will take to our ships, to our vessels, and then, like sheep among wolves, like you said, we will spread the Good Word.

And who will decide who is chosen?

We will. You and me.

And what happens to the rest?

Well, I don't much know. That isn't up to me. It's between them and God, isn't it?

No, we got this wrong.

Well, don't be ridiculous.

No, Beverly. Please look at them. We are the wolves.

No. No, please. Please. Not you too. Not you, Monsignor.

I was wrong. We were wrong. We are wrong. And this needs to stop.

They're lost without a leader, without a shepherd. That must be you, Monsignor. It has to be you. It has always been you.

No! It was never me. That's the thing about priesthood. It's never supposed to be about me. It's supposed to be about God!

Well, I suppose it isn't you anymore. Of course, he told us that, didn't he? Jesus himself. He warned us against the scribes, against the priests...I suppose virtue isn't a virtue if it doesn't cost you anything. And it was always going to be this way. You were always going to be the last, the hardest, test of my faith. You.

[as Erin is being killed by the angel] So what do you think happens when we die, Erin?

Speaking for myself?

Speaking for yourself.

Myself. My self. That's the problem. That's the whole problem with the whole thing. That word, "self." That's not the word. That's not right. That isn't... That isn't. How did I forget that? When did I forget that? [pause] The body stops a cell at a time, but the brain keeps firing those neurons. Little lightning bolts, like fireworks inside, and I thought I'd despair, or feel afraid, but I don't feel any of that. None of it. Because I'm too busy. I'm too busy in this moment, remembering. Of course. And I remember every atom in my body was forged in a star. This matter, this body, is mostly just empty space, after all. And solid matter? It's just energy vibrating very slowly, and there is no me. There never was. The electrons of my body mingle and dance with the electrons of the ground below me and the air I'm no longer breathing. And I remember there is no point where any of that ends and I begin. I remember I am energy. Not memory. Not self. My name, my personality, my choices, all came after me. I was before them, and I will be after, and everything else is pictures picked up along the way. Fleeting little dreamlets printed on the tissue of my dying brain. And I am the lightning that jumps between. I am the energy firing the neurons, and... I'm returning. Just by remembering, I'm returning home. And it's like a drop of water falling back into the ocean, of which it's always been a part. All things... a part. All of us... a part. You, me, and my little girl, and my mother and my father, everyone who's ever been, every plant, every animal, every atom, every star, every galaxy, all of it. More galaxies in the universe than grains of sand on the beach. And that's what we're talking about when we say "God." The one. The cosmos and its infinite dreams. We are the cosmos dreaming of itself. It's simply a dream that I think is my life, every time. But I'll forget this. I always do. I always forget my dreams. But now, in this split-second, in the moment I remember, the instant I remember, I comprehend everything at once. There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream. It's a wish. Made again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and on into eternity. And I am all of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Midnight Mass pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.