Riley Flynn quotes from Midnight Mass

Riley Flynn

[to Erin] I have this dream. This recurring dream I've had since I was inside. I'm floating out in the middle of the bay. Middle of the water. Morning water. The sky lightening as the sun's about to rise. And if I could just point the bow, find a wind, or an oar, paddle with my goddamn hands if I had to, to a different shore. Start a new life. That dream always ends with the sunrise. Always. I never get further than that sunrise. That part I can see, clear as day. That part is real. But the rest, whatever life I'm supposed to have after? That I can't see. And the more I have that dream, the more I know that it's not in the cards for me. [pause] I'm not getting off this island. I know it. Late at night, no matter what I let myself hope, or what I might tell my mom or my dad. I know it. But you, you can do anything. You always could.

Riley Flynn

[praying after killing a young woman while driving drunk] Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. They kingdom come, thy will be done, as Earth as...

While you're at it, ask Him why he always takes kids, while the drunk fucks walk away with scratches.

Annie Flynn

My son Riley, he's...

Riley Flynn

Not exactly in a state of grace right now.

Father Paul

Hey, look I think that's great. Turns out I'm not much use to people who are in a state of grace. Jesus, he didn't have that much interest for those kind of people either. No, he seemed to go straight for those folks who weren't in a state of grace. They were his favorite people, turns out. They were the ones he called friends.

Erin Greene

How are you?

Riley Flynn

I don't know. That's kind of the whole thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean, in prison, it was easy. I had things to do, you know? Count the days. Count down the sentence. Eat, sleep, read. It's all pretty spelled out for you. Regimented. But here? Here I have nothing. What, am I going to get a job? Go to school? I have no money, no prospects. I just exist now. That's it. I have absolutely no purpose at all. I'm just sitting in my parents' house, breathing, and serving no purpose to anyone whatsoever. I'm just living. [long pause] And that's the worst part. Because I shouldn't be alive, Erin. So I don't know. What do I do here? I eat. Sleep. Shit. I don't know. Walk home now, eat dinner, wait out this fucking storm.

Erin Greene

There you go. Do that. Ride out the storm tonight. And then tomorrow, you'll see what tomorrow's all about. Find another project. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm really, really sorry.

Erin Greene

You found your purpose.

Riley Flynn

Yeah, cat disposal.

Erin Greene

You've got to start somewhere.

Erin Greene

How was your day?

Riley Flynn

It's been a long time since anyone asked me that.

Erin Greene

In prison, nobody asks?

Riley Flynn

No, in prison no one needs to ask. Every day is exactly the same.

Riley Flynn

[at their first AA meeting together] Catholic Church in a nutshell. All over the world, these small, starving villages with big, fancy churches. Getting bigger and fancier, while the towns dry up. Churches just popping up like fat, plump little ticks sucking the town dry.

Father Paul

Okay, so we can safely say you're not practicing.

Riley Flynn

That's safe. [pause] You ever heard of RR?

Father Paul

RR?

Riley Flynn

AA for pirates?

Father Paul

[smiles] Oh.

Riley Flynn

Rational Recovery. It's based more on reason and psychology. It's about empowering people instead of saying you're powerless.

Father Paul

So you're the higher power, is that how it works? Being your own higher power, how is that working out for you?

Riley Flynn

I haven't had a drop in four years.

Father Paul

Not much of a selection in prison though, is there? Alcohol isn't good or bad. Not itself. But it's people. Suffering can be a gift. It all just depends on us. What we do with it, how we react to it. So, alcohol isn't good or bad. And the same with guilt, grief, suffering. It just depends on what we do with it. What's more empowering than that?

Riley Flynn

No, alcohol isn't good or bad. But the version of me that would come out when I had enough to drink, he was bad. He was selfish and careless and he ruined my life. There is a saboteur inside of me, and I always thought, you know, we'd work it out. We'd learn to live with each other, because he wouldn't really hurt me. Not me. I fed him, so he wouldn't hurt me. And then one morning I woke up and found out he killed someone. I had killed someone. So who's to blame there? I am to blame there. And God? Well, He just kind of let it happen, didn't He? See, that's the part I cannot square. Because you're right, there is-- there is so much suffering in the world. So much. And then there's this higher power. This higher power who could erase all that pain, just wave His hand and make it all go away, but doesn't? No. No thank you. The worst part is that it lets all the rest of us off the hook. We can all just stand by and watch Leeza Scarborough wheel herself around town. We can watch Joe Collie slowly drink himself to death. We can watch so many people just slip into these bottomless pits of... of awful, and we can stand it. We can tolerate it because we say things like, "God works in mysterious ways." Like-- Like there's a plan? Like something good's going to come out of it? Nothing good came out of my drinking. Nothing good came out of me killing that poor girl. Nothing good came out of Joe Collie's drinking. And not a single good thing comes out of Leeza never being able to walk again. Nothing good came out of a metric ton of crude oil filling up the bay. And the only thing, the only fucking thing that lets people stand by, watching all this suffering, doing nothing, doing fucking nothing, is the idea that suffering can be a gift from God. What a monstrous idea, Father.

Father Paul

Look, there's nothing in the scripture, or in the world for that matter, that suggests God negates personal accountability. There's certainly nothing in the program to suggest that. Not at all, in fact. I believe God can take our work, even our awful works, and turn them into something else. I know He can find the good in them, and find the love in them, whether we see it or not. That I know, Riley Flynn. That I know.

Riley Flynn

Whole town's buzzin'. A miracle at St. Patrick's. You're gonna have every resident with a bum knee and a head cold in the pews. Wouldn't be surprised if you get a phone call from a reporter on the mainland. Might wanna do a human-interest story on little Leeza's recovery, about the priest who healed her.

Father Paul

This isn't about publicity. I'd turn that down. As Matthew says, you know, "If you give something to someone in need, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." And Dolly and Wade, you know, they're not looking to exploit their daughter or sensationalize anything. I just can't actually imagine that it'll summon that much interest outside of Crockett, and that's okay. It's for the best. The important thing is Leeza.

Riley Flynn

Yeah. See, I'm a pretty rational guy, and you know that all our myths, our religions, come from natural occurrences that we can't explain. So, I can pretty easily see my way through that.

Father Paul

Good for you.

Riley Flynn

I can wrap my head around a misdiagnosis. I looked. It happens. It's rare, but it does. So, like, her body could have been slowly healing this whole time. I can explain all of it. If I'm honest, it's all explainable.

Father Paul

That sounds wonderful, frankly.

Riley Flynn

Except one thing. You had to know. You had to know that she could walk. I mean, you went back up the stairs. You beckoned to her. If she hadn't, what would've happened to you? What would this community have thought of you if she hadn't?

Father Paul

Well, but she did.

Riley Flynn

And you had to know that. I'm asking, how did you know that?

Father Paul

I really don't have an answer that's going to satisfy you. Not you. I mean, if I told somebody else that I could just feel it as she wheeled past me on that ramp, that I could almost see it, that I could almost hear a voice inside my head. I felt so connected to her at that moment. That might be good enough for someone, but not for you, is it, Riley Flynn?

Riley Flynn

I suppose I'd want more.

Father Paul

Yeah, and I'll always wish that I could give you more. But that's all I got.

Father Paul

That's the thing, isn't it? What do you say? You say, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Or "God works in mysterious ways. If there's anything I can do..." It's so hollow, isn't it? We can never understand the will of God, and I wouldn't presume to know what to say to Erin Greene other than that. We must trust in the Lord with our whole heart and not rely on our own insights.

Riley Flynn

Give yourself over, whether you understand or not.

Father Paul

Sometimes it's okay to just look at the world and say, "Why? Why? Why? I don't understand. And I will not." Yeah, sometimes that's okay.

Riley Flynn

Yeah, I actually agree with that.

Father Paul

Well, it's hard not to, isn't it?

Father Paul

You've been taken back as well, taken back to your best self. Your peak self, your perfect self, as God wanted you. I just had a lot further to go than you did. It was a lot further to go.

[about Joe Collie] You killed him.

Father Paul

It's not as simple as that.

Riley Flynn

No. No. You fucking killed him. You...and that thing!

Father Paul

It cannot be changed! It's done and cannot be undone. Just like what's happened to you cannot be undone. These are two things that cannot be changed, and we must accept them with serenity together right now.

Riley Flynn

What the fuck was that thing?

Father Paul

An angel.

Father Paul

It's as if your body were acting under some other will. It was. It will again, and this is the thing. This is where you need to listen. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Listen to your conscience. Because, you see, I was there too. Well, I had been restored. I had been made young again. I had been made pure again. And then, like Jesus before me, I died. I died on the floor, just across the way there. And then I was resurrected. But I was scared and confused, and this drive inside, this powerful will, and I felt the same way you did. My will became His will, and He moved through me, and Joe was taken. And I was sustained. I was nourished.

Riley Flynn

Murderer.

Father Paul

Well, I suppose so, but here's the thing: I had no guilt. None. And knowing that I should feel guilt, but accepting that I did not, finding grace where the guilt should be, I wrestled with that. I prayed on it. But then Bev Keane, actually, she showed me this -- Hebrews 9:14. "How much more, then, will the blood of Christ who, through the eternal spirit, offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death so that we may serve the Living God?" Cleanse our consciences so that we may serve the Living God. I read this passage and the graces of the Holy Spirit rained down on me. He had taken that guilt. He had cleansed my conscience, for I had simply done His will. Been His vessel. A murderer, maybe. So is Moses. Joseph. Paul, my namesake. I'm hardly unique as a soldier of the Lord. I'm hardly unique in this room either. Am I? I mean, you've killed someone.

Riley Flynn

...I don't remember.

Father Paul

You were drunk and you don't remember?

Riley Flynn

I was drunk. I was at a party, it was a party and I drank too much.

Father Paul

Oh, come on. Don't do that.

Riley Flynn

That's what happened.

Father Paul

Well there is meaning here-- there is purpose here that you are willfully ignoring.

Riley Flynn

It was fucking ordinary, what happened! There weren't even skid marks on my side of the road; I'd never hit the brakes. I didn't even tap the brakes. I was literally asleep at the wheel, that is what happened. So don't talk to me about God moving through you or doing His will. You don't know a fucking thing about me and our stories are not the same!

Father Paul

The guilt you feel, the remorse.

Riley Flynn

Yeah.

Father Paul

You feel that every day?

Riley Flynn

Yes!

Father Paul

Even though you didn't mean to do it.

Riley Flynn

Yes.

Father Paul

See, I killed Joe, I watched myself do it with my own hands, and I have no guilt. None. No remorse. I have been spared all of that. How does that make you feel?

Riley Flynn

Disgusted.

Father Paul

How does it make you feel?

Riley Flynn

Angry.

Father Paul

Nope. How does that make you feel?

Riley Flynn

Fuckin' angry!

Father Paul

NO! I promised you complete honesty and I am giving that to you, and I'm tired of you lying to me, Riley Flynn! I've forgiven it time and again, but today is critical for us and I am finished! Complete honesty! HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?!

Riley Flynn

...Jealous.

Father Paul

It is good, what we are doing, what we have to do. It's good. Even the things we may not think we want to do. The hunger, the thirst is good. And that's why we don't feel guilt when we surrender to it. That's why we feel better after. And that's why we share this gift. Think on that warm feeling you have here right now. Think on that, and just answer me this. Do you feel at peace? Your stomach full? Your purpose clear? Your will given over to a higher power? Do you feel at peace?

Riley Flynn

What happens now?

Father Paul

Now you can go.

Riley Flynn

Just like that?

Father Paul

Just like that. The wonders you will experience out there, you'll see things you never saw before. Colors, lights. You'll hear things, smell things. The world, it burns brighter. It hums, Riley, with His glory. You'll see, I have faith in you. In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. I hear him more clearly every day. The more I give myself over to God, the more I hear the voice of His angel, and you will too. That's okay, that's good. Know you will be moved to act, and there will be things you cannot change. But whoever you choose to enter communion with, whoever serves God's purpose for you, as you give of yourself for them to drink, as they eat of your body, and drink of your blood, and you of theirs, and you are in the communion of the saints, remember that it's a gift. And God will tell you who to share it with.

Erin Greene

[on a rowboat in the bay] I've been scared by much worse, by much worse, and I don't let that happen anymore. I'm not scared, not of you, my dear, dear you. If you are sick, or if you need help, I'm not scared of that. I'd get you the help you need. I'd do that with you, without judgement and without fear. Just tell me what you need. Tell me why we're out here. Tell me what you want.

Riley Flynn

I didn't bring you out here to scare you, or to isolate you. I brought you out here so I'd have nowhere to go. I'm not as strong as you; I never was. What do I want? I want you to take this boat and row to the mainland and leave this place, and never look back. But I knew you wouldn't do that. And I knew you wouldn't believe any of this unless you saw. I want you to run. But I believe you're gonna row back there and do everything you can to try and save them. I'm just so sorry you have to see this. [pause] I love you Erin Greene. I've loved you my whole life. One way or another.

Erin Greene

I love you too.

Riley Flynn

I did my best. I did my best.

Riley Flynn

[as Erin is being killed by the angel] So what do you think happens when we die, Erin?

Erin Greene

Speaking for myself?

Riley Flynn

Speaking for yourself.

Erin Greene

Myself. My self. That's the problem. That's the whole problem with the whole thing. That word, "self." That's not the word. That's not right. That isn't... That isn't. How did I forget that? When did I forget that? [pause] The body stops a cell at a time, but the brain keeps firing those neurons. Little lightning bolts, like fireworks inside, and I thought I'd despair, or feel afraid, but I don't feel any of that. None of it. Because I'm too busy. I'm too busy in this moment, remembering. Of course. And I remember every atom in my body was forged in a star. This matter, this body, is mostly just empty space, after all. And solid matter? It's just energy vibrating very slowly, and there is no me. There never was. The electrons of my body mingle and dance with the electrons of the ground below me and the air I'm no longer breathing. And I remember there is no point where any of that ends and I begin. I remember I am energy. Not memory. Not self. My name, my personality, my choices, all came after me. I was before them, and I will be after, and everything else is pictures picked up along the way. Fleeting little dreamlets printed on the tissue of my dying brain. And I am the lightning that jumps between. I am the energy firing the neurons, and... I'm returning. Just by remembering, I'm returning home. And it's like a drop of water falling back into the ocean, of which it's always been a part. All things... a part. All of us... a part. You, me, and my little girl, and my mother and my father, everyone who's ever been, every plant, every animal, every atom, every star, every galaxy, all of it. More galaxies in the universe than grains of sand on the beach. And that's what we're talking about when we say "God." The one. The cosmos and its infinite dreams. We are the cosmos dreaming of itself. It's simply a dream that I think is my life, every time. But I'll forget this. I always do. I always forget my dreams. But now, in this split-second, in the moment I remember, the instant I remember, I comprehend everything at once. There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream. It's a wish. Made again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and on into eternity. And I am all of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am.