It's as if your body were acting under some other will. It was. It will again, and this is the thing. This is where you need to listen. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Listen to your conscience. Because, you see, I was there too. Well, I had been restored. I had been made young again. I had been made pure again. And then, like Jesus before me, I died. I died on the floor, just across the way there. And then I was resurrected. But I was scared and confused, and this drive inside, this powerful will, and I felt the same way you did. My will became His will, and He moved through me, and Joe was taken. And I was sustained. I was nourished.
Murderer.
Well, I suppose so, but here's the thing: I had no guilt. None. And knowing that I should feel guilt, but accepting that I did not, finding grace where the guilt should be, I wrestled with that. I prayed on it. But then Bev Keane, actually, she showed me this -- Hebrews 9:14. "How much more, then, will the blood of Christ who, through the eternal spirit, offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death so that we may serve the Living God?" Cleanse our consciences so that we may serve the Living God. I read this passage and the graces of the Holy Spirit rained down on me. He had taken that guilt. He had cleansed my conscience, for I had simply done His will. Been His vessel. A murderer, maybe. So is Moses. Joseph. Paul, my namesake. I'm hardly unique as a soldier of the Lord. I'm hardly unique in this room either. Am I? I mean, you've killed someone.
...I don't remember.
You were drunk and you don't remember?
I was drunk. I was at a party, it was a party and I drank too much.
Oh, come on. Don't do that.
That's what happened.
Well there is meaning here-- there is purpose here that you are willfully ignoring.
It was fucking ordinary, what happened! There weren't even skid marks on my side of the road; I'd never hit the brakes. I didn't even tap the brakes. I was literally asleep at the wheel, that is what happened. So don't talk to me about God moving through you or doing His will. You don't know a fucking thing about me and our stories are not the same!
The guilt you feel, the remorse.
Yeah.
You feel that every day?
Yes!
Even though you didn't mean to do it.
Yes.
See, I killed Joe, I watched myself do it with my own hands, and I have no guilt. None. No remorse. I have been spared all of that. How does that make you feel?
Disgusted.
How does it make you feel?
Angry.
Nope. How does that make you feel?
Fuckin' angry!
NO! I promised you complete honesty and I am giving that to you, and I'm tired of you lying to me, Riley Flynn! I've forgiven it time and again, but today is critical for us and I am finished! Complete honesty! HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?!
...Jealous.
More Midnight Mass quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Midnight Mass pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.