[Lucifer has just called out Dad/God for torturing everybody all in the name of his "mysterious ways"]
Ooh, for example: Dad! Are you ever going to tell us why Hell suddenly doesn't need a warden any more?
[There is a long pause]
I have a good reason.
Oh! It's a good reason! Well, that explains it. As always, super clear, thanks Pops.
What are you even complaining about, Lucifer? You got your own kingdom as a reward for bad behavior.
[bitterly] Is that how you see it? Being forced to torture souls for hundreds of thousands of years was an 'attaboy'? Sure, I was King of Hell, but I was still in Hell. If that's not a poisoned chalice, I don't know what is! [Lucifer gets out of his seat] You have no idea what that was like, how easy you had it!
"Easy"? [scoffs] I spent my entire life in the worst kind of Hell there is.
Luci, Michael, come on!
What could possibly be worse?
Sharing a face with you! Guess what? When your twin is the Lightbringer, turns out you have no choice but to live in the shadows!
We were dealt the same hand, the same face, the same bloody shoulders, except you had a chip on yours so big, you managed to self-actualise it! Oh, no, no, no! There's nothing wrong with him, don't be fooled! You have no one to blame but yourself for who you are!
Luci!
Oh, I blame you plenty!
Michael!
Of course you do, you petty little sh-
[the candles and lights have gone out, thunder and lightning flashes]
[booming] CHILDREN!
[Lucifer and Michael glare at each other in the dark, the lights come back on and Lucifer returns to his seat]
And there it is: the Old Testament Wrath. Wasn't sure you still had it in you.
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