Vanessa, Mike and others in “Unfinished Business”

Vanessa

Can you drive Eve to soccer?

Mike

Soccer, that's just Europe's covert war for the hearts and minds of America's kids.

We're scrimmaging the boys to make us tougher.

Mike

Well, the boys aren't that tough. I've seen them play. Running around, getting hair gel in their eyes, run into the goalpost, and they cry.

Vanessa

Why are you watching the young boys play soccer?

Mike

I'm pretty sure I just explained why.

Kristin

Hey, mom, can you take Boyd to day care? I can't be late to the diner. It's our salute to bacon week, and I am the only person who knows how to work the defibrillator.

Vanessa

I'm running late. Ask your dad.

Kristin

Oh, not dad. Boyd only knows like six words and half of them are "I blame Obamacare". He's a bad influence.

Mike

You know, he's standing right here.

Vanessa

He does his best.

Mike

Literally, I'm standing right here.

Mike

You know who should take Boyd to day care? It's that deadbeat, no-good father of his.

Kristin

Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really. I'm doing fine. I know this might be hard for you to believe because you're so old school, but I do not need a man.

Mike

Well, you got a baby, so you needed a man once.

Kristin

Eww! All right, I will take Boyd to day care, but I just hope my being late does not cause the Great Bacon Riot of 2011.

Mike

I like bacon