Vanessa quotes from Last Man Standing

Vanessa

Wow!

Vanessa

Oh, h-h-h-hey.

Vanessa

So, Jen, we want to talk to you about your future as a social media influencer.

Vanessa

Hi, I'm Vanessa Baxter.

Vanessa

No, I don't know, I don't know.

Mike

I'm baaaaack. [drops a large fish on the table]

Vanessa

What am I supposed to do with this?

Mike

You slice it, mouth to anus. You pull everything out. Pretty self-explanatory.

Vanessa

Ah, the boss wants to see me. I am worried. Even though I've been there almost a year, I'm still the new chick.

Mike

That's good. New chick's always hot.

Vanessa

Can you drive Eve to soccer?

Mike

Soccer, that's just Europe's covert war for the hearts and minds of America's kids.

We're scrimmaging the boys to make us tougher.

Mike

Well, the boys aren't that tough. I've seen them play. Running around, getting hair gel in their eyes, run into the goalpost, and they cry.

Vanessa

Why are you watching the young boys play soccer?

Mike

I'm pretty sure I just explained why.

Kristin

Hey, mom, can you take Boyd to day care? I can't be late to the diner. It's our salute to bacon week, and I am the only person who knows how to work the defibrillator.

Vanessa

I'm running late. Ask your dad.

Kristin

Oh, not dad. Boyd only knows like six words and half of them are "I blame Obamacare". He's a bad influence.

Mike

You know, he's standing right here.

Vanessa

He does his best.

Mike

Literally, I'm standing right here.

Mike

You know who should take Boyd to day care? It's that deadbeat, no-good father of his.

Kristin

Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really. I'm doing fine. I know this might be hard for you to believe because you're so old school, but I do not need a man.

Mike

Well, you got a baby, so you needed a man once.

Kristin

Eww! All right, I will take Boyd to day care, but I just hope my being late does not cause the Great Bacon Riot of 2011.

Mike

I like bacon

Vanessa

Eve just called. She and Kristin will be here any minute.

Kyle

Crap.

Vanessa

What did you think the banner was for, Kyle?

Kyle

No, I'm trying to DVR my favorite show, but it's not on.

Vanessa

Well, maybe they got cancelled. You know, the TV business can be a heartless bastard.

Kyle

Cancelled? Why would they cancel a popular show that everybody loves?

Mike

Maybe, they are a bunch of idiots!