As the Depression set in on the nation, I barricaded myself within the dilapidating walls of 1132 Rue Royale, educating myself from Lestat's library, ignoring all other duties of the role Claudia once mocked me for... the unhappy housewife.
[Reading from Claudia's diary] I spend time following Louis and Lestat, now that I am my own woman, with no obvious sense of why I follow them, other than meaning slowly disintegrates without them, my companions in immortality. But today at the cemetery, I finally understood something so obvious, which I had pondered for a decade--why they made me... To be Louis's sister.
Emotionally, I was vacant. I longed for Claudia. I ached for her. I walked the streets of New Orleans with the shifting masses of the unfed, the addicts born of despair, sending out telepathic thoughts of remorse in every direction. But she had shut her mind off to me for some time then. And so I was left to revisit old haunts, desperate for connection. 'Claudia, come home.' 'I know I hurt you.' 'I know I can make it right again.'
In many ways, they were more like each other than they wanted to admit. They both sought out weakness.They reveled in the exploitation of it, and they romped with joy as I played audience to their joyless exchange
For six years in all, these raw and desperate mea culpas came like the tide. And for six years, they were greeted with silence or fire. We burned more gifts than bodies in that decade, but they would not stop coming. And Lestat's relentless determination began to crack my considerable armor. Perhaps it was the modesty of the gesture, but in the spring of 1937, one broke through. He had written it himself in the music of the hour. His first composition in a hundred years.
[Finds out that Lestat didn't kill Antoinette] It wasn't shocking. It was perfectly consistent with his nature. He'd been told to do something, and, brat that he was, didn't like being told what to do. The effect, however, was numbing.
Years accumulated in the small city were catching up to us. Our home was often vandalized. Cowardly warnings suggesting we were no longer welcome. 'Please return from the dark place you came from.' It was an awkward time. I loved Claudia with all my heart and I loved Lestat with a wounded one. The work would be convincing the two to find room again for each other. Concessions would be needed. I would have to lead by example.
Dark woods and bridged rivers. Then the lights of a city depot. Birmingham. Atlanta. Greensboro. Washington, D.C. She, of all things on the Earth, deserved a nice seat and a wide window to watch the countryside blur before the glass. But it was 1939, and the only Negro allowed in first class was the porter, and the Negro passenger rode the rear. The Negro vampire made do with what was left, which was fine with her.
I teased the sun that night in Jackson Square. Thought about the walking cane and pile of ash they'd find in the morning. But Paul had forever ruined Grace's wedding night, and I would not do the same to Claudia on the anniversary of her escape. If I was to join Dante's Wood of the Self-Murdered, it would be another night. And so I endured my way home, back to the crypt, back to the undeserving Lestat.