[Voiceover] According to the gospel of Don, God told Don to free himself and Ruth from the surly bonds of their loveless marriage. He said that their union had fulfilled his purpose. And now Don was to leave Ruth with the belief he had perished so that they might both go out and find happiness on earth. Don, being the lord's faithful servant, was loathe to disobey. Before Don limped off into the desert night, he asked God, "Lord, you have commanded me to be happy, but you haven't told me how. "Please, Lord, what does it take for two people to be happy?" But the Lord had said all that he would say.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Voiceover] Every day we make hundreds of choices. Most of them innocuous either or kind of decisions, like, "should I turn right or left?" others require a bit more thought, like, "should I order the bacon-cheeseburger," which I love or some low fat flavorless salad "which I know is better for me but will ultimately leave me unsatisfied?" and then there are those really tough choices...
I brought you coffee and a bagel.
You suck.
Excuse me? Aw, are you still on the juice fast? Aren't you crabby enough without adding Spirulina to the mix?
Bite me. I'm trying to do something healthy for a change.
Why?
Why? How about because being healthy is better than not being healthy.
It doesn't suit you. It seems oddly out of character. Kind of unsettling.
Did you ever stop to think that what's in character for me isn't working for me? I'm 35-ish, I don't have a boyfriend, I live by myself, I go to work, come home, go to work. Is it so beyond the realm of reason that I want just a little bit more from my life, or is that just too much for you to wrap your little pea-brain around?
I've gotta believe this is the Spirulina talking.
Got three bedrooms. Check this out. One is my bedroom. One is my office and the other is I have no idea. How great is that? I have got an entire room with no defined purpose. I can fill it with Corn Flakes if I wanted.
I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less.
Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. That's my bullet room. I have a bullet room.
Well, as long as it's something practical.
You can stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking.
RERobert Eps
Oh, come on, man. You mean to tell me you have a partner that looks like that and you still get pissy when guys check her out? Maybe you're the one who needs to stop thinking what you're thinking.
Why don't you go on home?
Nope.
I don't get it. So what if your mom showed up unannounced. She just wanted to surprise you.
There are two kinds of surprises, Marshall: birthday and Pearl Harbor. Guess which category the "mom surprise" falls under? It doesn't matter. I hate them both.
Well you can't stay here forever.
No, but I think I can do a week. I bet if I don't show up for a week she'll run out of food and booze and leave.
Wow. It looks like somebody kicked the crap out of you.
DRDet. Roxanne Lewis
You hit like a girl.
Thanks, you too.
Let's not start accusing people until we have the proper evidence.
Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black. [beat] That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.
[Voiceover] Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us those things our heart wants most because as it's been said, "Without reason nor prudence, the heart wants what the heart wants and more often than not, it will not be denied.
He thinks he's got a shot with me.
[Speaking to their witness] You have no shot. In fact, Joe Stalin's rotting corpse has a better chance of getting into her bryuki than you do.
Aw. You can be so sweet sometimes. [leaves the room]
SSergei
You know, her words say nyet, but her eyes say maybe not nyet.
She would use you like a swizzle stick.
Tasha's so excited for me to meet her new boyfriend. It's really sweet. Oh, God. I hope we didn't miss him. I don't know why I'm always late with her.
Habitual lateness most often manifests in people with control issues.
Oh, God.
By arriving late on scheduled appointments you cause the person with whom the appointment was made to wait, for you, thereby controlling his or her behavior. Classic passive aggressive pathology.
When have you ever known me to be passive about anything?
[to Marshall] I love you like an eight dollar whore.
[smiles] I'm sure you mean that in a good way.
SwifferMuseum.com. Why? How? Why?
What about KnittingWholesale.com? Maybe he's trying to lure old women into the lurid world of cross-stitching.
CowsAreEvil.com.
Undeniable.
OverstockedPradaLeather.com.
What? What was that last one?
Kidding.
Bastard.
[voiceover] I stare agape at Sunday couples. Sidewalk strollers, fingers laced, heads on shoulders, hearts laid bare. Audacious highwire artists, soaring netless. Oblivious or brave? Ignorant idiots, I observe from my spectator view. Hoping no one hears this screaming inside my head.
There is no magic. We're not the architects of our own lives. We're monkeys strapped to a rocket and the only way to exert any influence over its trajectory is to work really, really hard.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's In Plain Sight pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.