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Histeria!

Toast and Theodore Roosevelt in “The Teddy Roosevelt Show”

[Throughout this coversation, mosquitoes continually bite the characters.]

Toast

Mr. President-dude! Ow! Thanks for coming and stuff.

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! Dee-lighted! What's wrong here, friend? Ow!

Toast

Well - dang! - for starters, just look! Ow! Mondo disease! The canal-digging is slowing down because everyone's getting sick - ow - with malaria and yellow fever! Ow!

Theodore Roosevelt

Hmmm... ow! The same two blasted diseases that crippled the French when they were digging the canal! Ow!

Toast

Ow! Whaddaya think - ow! - is causing it? Ow!

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! I don't know. Ow!

Toast

Could it be - ohw! - the food?

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! I don't think so.

Toast

Humidity? Goh!

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! Doubtful. Ohw!

Toast

Ow! Tight pants?

Theodore Roosevelt

Nuh-uh. Ouch!

Toast

Bean-bag babies? Ow!

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! Not likely.

Toast

Smell of gin?

Theodore Roosevelt

Who?

Toast

Never mind. Ow!

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow!

Toast

Those little bobbing-head dolls?

Theodore Roosevelt

Ow! Nope.

Toast

Too much - ow! - pocket change?

Theodore Roosevelt

Yeow! I don't think so.

Toast

Tapioca pudding? Ouch!

Theodore Roosevelt

Hey, maybe... naw. Ow!

Toast

Ow! Anything starting with the letter Q? Ow!

Theodore Roosevelt

No! Ow!

Toast

Spanish peanuts? Owh!

Theodore Roosevelt

No! Oww!

Toast

Aliens from Mars wearing golf shoes and lipstick?

Theodore Roosevelt

No, no, and you need help. Ow! Well, whatever it is, it's making the men sick. These pesky mosquitoes sure are driving me crazy!

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