Hawaii Five-0 · Season 1
You saying I’m not cool?
In certain situations. Like when you’ve got a gun pointed in your face, or you’re trying to decide whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. But actual human interaction, mammal-to-mammal, you could use some work.
Thanks, Dr. Phil.
[to waitress] I like pancakes in the afternoon. You like pancakes?
I like pancakes.
Really? You seem like more of a napalm in the morning kind of guy.
That too.
[Steve is playing basketball with a prison inmate to get information on a suspect.]
[to McGarrett] So you know, the other guy getting the ball in the hoop—that’s bad.
Hey, Danno, shut up.
Do me a favor, don’t call me Danno, okay?
How long you two been married?
You don’t think I’m a happy person?
I’m sure you have your moments. Like when Guns & Ammo puts out its holiday gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV.
[While meeting Gov Jameson, the Five-0 team hears piano playing coming from the morgue.]
[wearily] That’s right, you haven’t met Dr. Bergman yet.
[opens the door and is shocked to see Steve's sister Mary] Oh! Hi.
[surprised] Yeah.
Um...Steve had to leave for work, and he told me I should just let myself out, so...um...you must be––
The sister. I'm Mary. Yeah, I'm just visiting from L.A.. [smirks at Catherine] Big night last night.
Hmm?
Old house. Thin walls.
[covers her face in embarrassment] Oh, God!
[grins at Cath's reaction] Yeah. You said that a lot.
It's embarrassing.
Don't sweat it. I just broke up with my boyfriend, so I plan on having a lot of guys over soon. So it'll be a fair fight.
[as McGarrett brings up the security camera feed from the club]
They teach you that in SEAL school?
Yeah, it’s called the using the Internet. People have been doing it since the early ’90s. You might wanna look into it.
I guess I was still playing Ms. Pac-Man.
Yeah? You ever get to the double pretzel level?
Triple banana, bitch.
You’re a liar.
[Steve is on the phone with Catherine and asked her to pull up a satellite image]
Thanks, Cath.
Oh, Catherine. I should've known. That's who you were getting right with last night.
That's stunning detective work. Well done.
[smirks at Steve's nonchalance] You know, it's amazing. Now, she catches bad guys for you and she sleeps with you. Does she cook, too?
Yeah, she does. She's a great cook.
[to Kono] Part of doing the job is knowing when you’re not the one to do the job.
So, uh, who are the Kapu?
Part lifeguard, part unofficial security enforcer for the North Shore. Kinda like protectors for the island.
Protecting the island from who? [McGarrett and Chin look at each other and then at Danny] Oh! The haoles. Protection from the haoles.
There’s an easy way to do things on this island and a hard way. Talking to Kawika before we go after Levi and Diego is the easy way.
What’s throwing a guy in a shark tank or hanging a guy off a roof?
Those guys were from out of town.
You are a sick person you know that?
In the best possible way, right?
No! No, not in the best possible way! In a very terrible way! That wasn't a compliment, you understand?
We were with our PO.
Oh yeah?
You can call him.
I’m gonna call him, and you’re gonna sit right here while I do, and if he doesn’t vouch for you, we’re gonna get a lot less friendly. [about McGarrett] Well, he will; I’m always cordial.
[McGarrett drives after a fleeing suspect as Danno hangs on for dear life.]
O-kay, I got a daughter…!
Don’t worry, I know these roads.
This is not a road! A road has asphalt and two lanes! This is dirt on a cliff!
You scared?
I’m not scared; I’m rationally concerned.
I mean, I’m no detective—Wait a minute, where am I? Oh, I’m a detective!
I’ll go find out if the daughter saw anything. I mean, I’m the woman, so you’d probably ask me to do it anyway.
No, it’s not because you’re a woman, it’s because you’re a rookie, and that’s way worse.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hawaii Five-0 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
