Santana: That's how we do it in Lima Heights!

Santana: The homeless will be homeless for a while. That's sort of the problem.

Santana: The only straight I am is a straight up bitch.

Santana: The truth about what?
Karofsky: None of your business, J Lo.
Santana: First of all, anything you do became my business when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill.
Karofsky: I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl.
Santana: Ha. See here's whats gonna go down. Two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts--right or left, that's your choice. Or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair. [gestures to her hair] Yeah, just all up in here.
Karofsky: [reluctantly walks away]
Blaine: We could have handled that.
Santana: It was more fun doing it together.

Santana: They must have sensed I was a lesbian. They must have. Do I smell like a golf course?

Santana: This is a song I wrote for Sam. It's called "Trouty Mouth".
Sam: [frowns] Wait, what's it called?
Mike: Trouty Mouth.

Santana: Today's your lucky day because Auntie Snixx just arrived on the Bitchtown Express. Now, my suggestion is we drag him bound and gagged to a tattoo parlor for a tramp stamp that reads "Tips appreciated" or "Congratulations, you're my thousandth customer".

Santana: Wait, do you honestly think that we can sell twenty thousand pieces of anythings? I mean we won Regionals for the first time since dinosaurs ruling the planet and I still got a freakin' cherry icy facial.

Santana: Wait, if Kurt would have taped it to his junk, I would never have heard the end of it. We would of had a whole week of songs about it.

Santana: Wait, something's definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?

Santana: We will be the undisputed top bitches in this school.

Santana: Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay.

Santana: What did you just say to her? [points at Rachel]
Finn: I said I thought you were great.
Santana: No, you're lying.
Rachel: No. He literally just said that.
Santana: (at Finn) You told her too?
Will: [stands up] Santana.
Santana: (at Finn) Everyone's gonna know now, because of you.
Finn: The whole school already knows. And you know what? They don't care.
Santana: Not just the school, you idiot. Everyone!
Finn: What are you talking abo-
[Santana slaps Finn] [Silence]

Santana: What difference does it make? Everyone knows my role here is to look hot.

Santana: What is wrong with you?