I remember reading an old sailor's proverb: "Piss on wildfire and your cock burns off."
Oh... no, well, I've not conducted this experiment. It could well be true. The substance burns so hot, it melts wood, stone, even steel. And of course, flesh. The substance burns so hot, it melts flesh like tallow. After the dragons died, wildfire was the key to the Targaryen power. [Bronn scoffs]
My companion takes issue.
If I could tell you how many crazy old men I've seen pushing carts around army camps, making grand claims about jars full of pig shit... no offense meant.
Our order does not deal in pig shit! The substance is fire given form, and we have been perfecting it since the days of Maegor.
To do what?
The jars are put in catapults and flung at the enemy.
How much do you have? [Hallyne gestures for them to follow]
If you could get real soldiers to man the catapults, then maybe you'd hit your target one time in ten. But all the real soldiers are in the Riverlands with your father.
My lord, this man is insulting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a battle, old man, but things can get a bit messy. 'Cause when we're flinging things at Stannis, he's flinging 'em right back at us. Men die. Men shit themselves. Men run. Which means pots falling. Which means fire inside the walls. Which means the poor cunts trying to defend the city end up burning it down.
My friend remains unconvinced.
He would not dare insult my order whilst Aerys Targaryen lived.
Well, he's not living anymore. And all his pots of wildfire didn't help him, did they? Men win wars, not magic tricks.
[Hallyne opens the vault, showing countless rows of shelves, filled with jars of wildfire, to Tyrion's shock]
We have been working tirelessly, day and night, ever since your royal sister commanded us to do so. Our present count stands at 7,811. Enough to burn Stannis Baratheon's fleet and armies both.
[warningly] This is a shit idea.
I'm afraid I have to concur with my advisor, Wisdom Hallyne. The contents of this room could lay King's Landing low. You won't be making wildfire for my sister any longer. You'll be making it for me.
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