Would you mind, you know, doing the butler voice? From the show?
All right. I only do it for close friends and beautiful women, but you two are already halfway there.
[Laughs] Stop it.
“I, Bartholomew Codsworth, am ever ready to serve.” [Sebastian laughs] Perhaps when you finish your shift, we could head up and party in the hot tub. What do you think of that?
Oh, no, no. No, thank you.
No? [Mutters] Okay. All right. Excuse me. Your wine.
Well, shit, Seabass. You might be the only one of my invites who actually showed up.
[Laughs] Yeah. Fucking Hollywood Reds. I’m telling you, radicalism is sweeping through Hollywood like a bad case of the clap. Not our usual scene, I’ll give you that.
No, it is not. I think our Hollywood actor friends don’t want to be seen celebrating with the pitchman for the end of the world.
Oh, you don’t know the half of it. You hear I lost a movie over these ads? Yeah, showed up to set, the actors wouldn’t come out of their trailers. Bonnie Lewis said it was on moral grounds.
Bonnie Lewis?
She’s done more ads than a fucking billboard.
Yeah.
Fucking Hollywood Reds. I’m telling you, radicalism is sweeping through Hollywood like a bad case of the clap. Even got your friend, Charlie Whiteknife.
Are you kidding me? Charlie? I served with that guy.
They have meetings and everything. It’s a shit show. But you, my friend, you know which way the wind is blowing.
And it’s that... a world run by people who wear pocket protectors to a pool party.
...about delivery platforms.
Yeah, you might be right about that. I mean, I’ve dipped my bits in the same gravy train. Sold my vocal rights to that spinning robot they sell to housewives and perverts. Guess how much they paid me for that.
Ten million?
No, I got 186, pre-tax.
Maybe you could’ve asked for more.
Well, I did ask for more.
And what did they say?
My agent got them to throw in one of those robots. [Laughs] The fuck were they thinking? Every time I walk into my own house, my own voice saying, “Hello, sir, do you want to sit down?” [Laughs] It’s fucking awful!
I thought the studio owned that character.
They did. And then RobCo bought the studio.
Mm.
Listen to me, Hollywood is the past. Forget Hollywood. The future, my friend, is products. You're a product. I'm a product. The end of the world is a product. And for those of us who can successfully embrace that, I'd say the future is golden.
[Holds out glass] To the future.
[Clinks glass] To the future.
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