Keith Chegwin and Andy in “Episode 1”

Back again! 14 years I did here at the BBC. Swap Shop. Cheggers plays pop, all sorts. Still run by Jews and queers is it?

It's what!?

This place, still run by your Jews and queers?

I think there are some Jewish people, and some gay people, yeah.

[sarcastically] "Gay!" Yeah I forgot, not meant to say queer are you? Suggests something abnormal. What could be more normal than shoving your cock up a bloke's arse? Now put it this way; If god had wanted a cock up an arse, he wouldn't have given us minges. Men have knobs. Women have fannies. Pop knob in fanny. Not up the arse.

Good, I should be making notes.

What?

Nothing. It's all good advice.