Mark and Doug in “Fathers and Sons”

Mark

You didn't miss much not having your dad around when you were growing up. Believe me.

Doug

That's kind of a crappy thing to say, isn't it?

Mark

It wasn't my idea to come down here.

Doug

Don't stay.

Mark

Don't worry, I won't.

Doug

I'm confused. Your father's still alive, right? He's still with your mother?

Mark

Oh, so that's your criteria for a good father? Longevity?

Doug

Did he smack you around a lot? Used to smack your mom around?

Mark

Oh, poor Doug.

Doug

Wait. Poor Doug? Your father, did he come into your room in the middle of the night and throw up on your bed and pass out? Did he do that? Did he leave you in a hallway in Atlantic City while he screwed some hat check girl, Mark? Did he do that? Did he do that, Mark?! Your father was there for you every night, you and your mother, and that's love. And whether it's the way you want it or not! It's love, Mark. You grew up in Ozzie and Harriet-land. Get your head out of your ass!