“Lucky Day”
In this episode: Ruby (3), Conrad (3), Kate Stewart (2), Fifteenth Doctor (1)
(3 May 2025)
I think I'm in shock. Like... PTSD? Because what happened last year was just not... normal. I mean, I fought gods. Like, actual gods. And I was eaten by a double bass, and kidnapped by goblins. I dangled on a rope ladder above London. And I watched the world turn to dust. And it's just like... every day is, like, fight or flight, and I'm just waiting for something to go wrong.
[The two Shreek reveal themselves to be men in suits working for Conrad]
Conrad, what are they talking about? What the hell is going on?!
We are Think Tank. Exposing the lies perpetrated by UNIT! By you. [to UNIT guards] And we're live streaming, so don't get trigger-happy.
This isn't funny.
[chuckles] I've had to listen to your stories for weeks now. Put up with your insecurity and vanity, listen to your tedious piano solos and get smothered in lip gloss! It has been a chore getting to know you! [shrugs] But now it's all worth it.
[Kate Lethbridge-Stewart tries to stop Elsa from filming; the hashtags "UNITlies", "DemandTheTruth" and "NoMoreMonsters" are seen on the phone's screen]
Put that phone down.
Or what? Gonna arrest me, huh? This is censorship! Touch us and we'll sue. We will bankrupt you.
[mockingly scaring Ruby] Boo!
You've made a very big, very dangerous mistake tonight, Conrad.
You don't even remember me, do you? [to the phones] The only monsters out here are UNIT! Lying to the public! Spending our money! Hiding in your tower, and doing what, huh? Doing what?
Protecting people like you.
Oh, they can't stop lying! There are no Shreek! No Cybermen, no Sycorax, no Yetis in the Underground! Here, look! Look! [holds up a Shreek mask] They're stooges and actors, and special effects paid for using taxpayers' money, to keep us scared, to hide their real agenda!
The threat to this planet is real!
[Conrad rolls his eyes and groans]
If you want evidence, I've got plenty of it, so you can--
This one's collecting benefits, stealing our taxes while she lies to us. But the lies stop today. There are people all over the world watching this. Sharing, reposting, demanding the truth! They're using you! All of you! For her dirty work.
Do you think UNIT can't handle a few reject cosplayers? Because that's all you are, Conrad.
[with cruel smugness] You've gifted me this moment, Ruby Sunday. Is that even your name, by the way? Cos it's ridiculous!
I want a confession. On camera. Admit to the lies. Show us the monster costumes. Show us the tech that you're hiding, that we paid for.
You're deluded--
[in mocking sing-song] The grown-ups are talking! [to Kate] Come on, Commander-in-chief. Admit! Or are you a coward, like your father was?
[seething with anger] You should be very careful what you say about my father.
His only legacy was a pack of lies.
He was a hundred times the man you are. And that gun is UNIT issue, so where's Jordan Lang?
[clearly feigning ignorance] Who?
He's been shot. Ground team are rushing him to the infirmary.
You shot someone to get in here?
It's nothing to do with me.
[appalled] A man's life is hanging in the balance, and you're not even sorry.
Maybe you shot him! Or he was an actor. Or he never existed.
The Shreek is back in its hive. No need to thank me. [chuckles] You have to be invited into my TARDIS, Conrad. To be special. But you? You're special... for all the wrong reasons. You see, I am fighting a battle on behalf of everyday people who just wanna get through their day and feel safe, and warm, and fed. And then along comes this... noise. All day long, this relentless noise! Cowards like you, weaponizing lies, taking people's insecurity and fear and making it currency. You are exhausting. You stamp on the truth, choke our bandwidth and shred our patience, because the only strategy you have is to wear us down. But the thing is, Conrad, I have energy to burn and all the time in the universe.
[laughs bitterly] What is this? An intervention? Are you here to save my soul?
You betrayed my friend.
You've had plenty of "friends". Have you met Belinda Chandra yet?
Who? You want spoilers? I'll tell you your future. You die in a prison cell, boiling in anger and poison, until your heart packs in at age 49. Alone and unloved, forgotten. The world carries on, the world gets better. You aren't even a footnote. Just ashes on the wind.
I don't accept your reality, Doctor. I reject it. So put me back in my prison. And get off my world.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Doctor Who pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
