Criminal Minds quotes

I'll shoot her.

Gideon

I wouldn't. If I were you, I'd aim that gun at me. You shoot the girl, you got nothing.

Get back!

Gideon

Shoot me instead. Come on, what are you a lousy shot? [putting his hands in the air] 50 feet away. You got a perfect shot. Shoot me.

You think I'm stupid?

Gideon

I think you're an absolute moron. I know all about you, Tim. You're at the gym five times a week. You drive a flashy car, you stink of cologne, and you can't get it up. Not even Viagra's working for you. You know what that tells me? That tells me you are hopelessly compensating, and it's not just in your head. It is physical. What did the girls call you in high school? What'd they come up with when you fumbled your way into some girl's pants and she started laughing when she got a good look at just how little you had to offer?

Shut up!

Gideon

Short Stack? Very Little Vogel? I got it: Tiny Tim.

Hotch

You know, Haley and I were looking at a baby names book. Guess what Gideon means in Hebrew.

Reid

[Walking up to Hotch and Morgan] Mighty Warrior. Appropriate.

Gideon

You and Haley picked the baby's name yet?

Hotch

You know, it's funny. Haley liked the name Charles, but, you know... all I could think of...

Gideon

Uh, Manson.

Hotch

Then there was Henry...

Gideon

Lee Lucas.

Hotch

And Jeffrey...

Gideon

Dahmer?

Hotch

There's just too many of them.

Gideon

Kind of hard to feel good about catching one of them when you know there're 50 more of them still out there.

Gideon

Nietzsche once said, "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."

Gideon

Einstein once said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."

Greenaway

Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.

Reid

It could also mean chemistry professor.

Greenaway

I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn't go on dates, he doesn't go to parties, he doesn't feel comfortable in front of groups. [Reid looks at Elle, realizing he fits the description] And of course he's a total psychopath.

Reid

Of course.

You're one of those FBI guys. Um, like, a profiler, right? Like, one look at the crime scene you can tell what kind of shampoo a killer uses.

Gideon

You sound skeptical.

Maybe a little.

Gideon

Your girlfriend thinks you're going to break up with her.

You're kidding, right?

Garcia

Okay, you know how on Star Trek when Captain Kirk asked McCoy to do something totally impossible and McCoy says, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!"?

Morgan

Hey, what are you telling me? Not to expect a miracle?

Garcia

No, I'm saying I'm not a doctor.

Morgan

[laughs] That's my girl.

Gideon

Faulkner once said, "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

Hotch

Yeah, we're set.

Morgan

Hotch, listen, they're gonna be sending us bomb fragments by this afternoon. I'm the only one with an ATF background. So if you'd like me to stay behind and supervise the bomb profile, I'm on that.

Hotch

Morgan, you wouldn't be afraid to be out in the field with a bomber, now, would you?

Morgan

You know, maybe it's not the bomber that I'm worried about.

Hotch

I thought we were past all that.

Morgan

Hotch, Boston sent Gideon into a post-traumatic tailspin. How do we know that won't happen again?

Hotch

Morgan, I'll tell you what. Why don't we concentrate on profiling the bomber, and not Gideon?

Morgan

Copy that.

Gideon

Samuel Johnson wrote, "Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble."

Morgan

These are my bomb fragments. We can start putting this bad boy together.

Garcia

Why bother? Don't you just look at the pieces for prints and... stuff... and?

Morgan

[chuckles] Garcia, what are you doing in the FBI?

Garcia

I didn't get into medical school?

Morgan

Why does that not surprise me?

Greenaway

I can't see why anyone wanna kill a little old lady who collects cats and coins.

Hotchner

Unless somebody wanted the coins. I spent a good chunk of my childhood looking for a 1944 penny worth thousands. [looks at Elle] Yes, I was a little bit of a nerd. Is that so surprising?

Gideon

[incredulously] Except Walker's not a bomber... he's a forger. [promptly whips out his radio] Get outta there, now! Now!

Greenaway

I might have something. Barbara Keller was having trouble insuring some coins she bought. The insurance company thought they might be fake.

Hotchner

So the insurance company's blowing up annoying clients?