Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
(to Mr. Gibbons) I'm so sorry about your guitar, and your lamp, and your table...
(not even a tad bit angry) That's alright. It's not your fault.
But...
(puts her hands on Cat's shoulders, looking at her in the eye) Cat, Mr. Gibbons isn't mad at us, because he knows the EARTHQUAKE caused this damage.
Yeah. We can only blame the earth.
And its quaking!
Why are you all sad?
How do you know I'm sad?
Well, you're dressed in sad colors, and you were playing a sad song... oh, and you're wearing a button that says, "I'm sad, ask me why." (touches it)
I put this stupid chicken in the oven three hours ago, and it's still not cooked!
Ok, um...couple of things. You didn't turn the oven on. This is a turkey. And, um, yeah, it's still frozen.
Well, what am I supposed to feed Beck?
Does he like turkeycicles?
(after Trina kisses him) You bit my lip!
I tried to bite both.
I always knew you were anti-Canadian!
Well, what are you gonna do aboot it, eh?
So you'll drive?
No.
Why not?
I didn't pass my driver's test.
Why not?
Because I didn't see the old lady in the wheelchair. [Cat gasps] I signaled before I hit her!
[in the car]
[driving] So, Cat, is there some reason your brother replaced his seat belt with a rope?
No. He just loves rope.
[looks at Tori and Cat's science project] What is that thing anyway?
Oh, this is Cat's and my science project.
It's a robot with hamster power.
See, Mr. Hamster runs on this wheel and that creates electromagnetic electricity which flows through this transformer and powers... [in a robot voice] ...The robot.
Isn't it cool?
I don't know. All I heard was "hamster, hamster, science, science, Tori's boring, kill me".
(holding a muffin) You want a muffin?
Sure. (takes the muffin and eats it)
You brought muffins?
Oh, no. I found it under the seat. [in response, Jade spits out the muffin and throws it in the road] Not so boring now, am I?
All right, Vega! I'm gonna pull over–
Be quiet! I'm not gonna sit here and listen to the two of you fight for the next 2 hours!
She's the one… FOR 2 HOURS!?!
I thought we were just driving some dead actress' house and lighting a candle.
We are! Her house is in San Diego!
[suddenly stops the car with a screeching sound] SAN DIEGO?
Cat, we gotta finish our science project before morning!
But–
No! I'm not driving this rolling chiz block to San Diego and back!
[Cat starts to cry]
JUST DRIVE THE CHILD TO SAN DIEGO!!!
All right! [drives and Cat stops crying]
OH MY GOD! (she and Tori step back shocked)
What... is this?! (pulls a bag of fake feet out of the trunk)
Don't worry, they're not real feet.
But why does your brother have a bag of fake feet in the trunk of his car?!
I'm not gonna lie. My brother's pretty weird.
Why did you think that she was dead?!
I read it online! It said "Mona Patterson joins the dead!"
That's a new TV show, you dip. It's a story about me being cast in a show called The Dead. I play David Schwimmer's wife.
Well...nice to meet you, I'm Cat.
Good. I have something nice... for cats. [goes inside her house then comes back outside with a water gun]
Whoa! Now just wait a second. [Mona is in aiming position] This girl made us drive two hours through the rain in a topless convertible just because she loves you, and your work. So, would it kill you to just be a little nice, and maybe– [they get blasted with water. Cat and Jade quickly run away but Tori stays] AHHHHH!! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE ALREADY WET?!
Get off my property! [Tori screams and then runs off]
Will you tell this punk-nut that you like me?
Well...
Punk-nut?!
Trina... made chicken for me!
Don't you listen to her, she made a turkey! Why would you wanna date a Canadian that doesn't know one food bird from another?!
I have an idea. Um, how about the three of us eat the turkey together?
No. You pick him or you pick me!
Or maybe I'll pick you up and toss you right out that door!
(grabs him by the shirt) Oh, I would love to see you try!
Boys, I-
Trina? (he is seen at the door with flowers) Trina, I brought you these... (sniffs) Did someone microwave a turkey?
Who are those flowers for?
They better be for Beck.
They're for Trina.
Whaaaaaaaaat?
Well, I heard the boys in the locker room say that Beck asked you out so I thought I'd ask you, too. (Andre grabs a shovel and tries to hit Robbie, who screams and runs while Beck and Andre chase him)
Trina wants me, not you idiots! (the three boys start to fight. Andre lifts Robbie up and shakes him. Beck then punches Andre in the face)
Boys, don't fight over me! Boys, come on! (Andre punches Beck back. Beck goes to Trina and holds her as Robbie throws the flowers to Andre, who retaliates by throwing him in the ground and preparing to hit him with a kettle)
Andre, no!
[tries to escape, but cannot because Beck holds her tight] Beck!
Don't go! [Andre repeatedly hits Robbie with the kettle] It's disgusting!
DAD, COME QUICK! THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER! [gets out of Beck's clutches, then runs into the garage, sobbing. The boys stop fighting and run behind the couch while laughing, implying that the whole thing was just a joke. Trina then pulls David out of the garage] And then Andre started hitting Robbie with a– [notices the boys are gone] Tea... kettle...
[notices the boys at the couch with puppets] What's going on?
We're doing a puppet show.
[in a British accent] I am the king.
[in a high voice] I am the queen.
And I'm the little pussy cat. Mow.
But they were just...I swear I saw them in there, they were just... urgh!
Just... promise me when you go to college, it'll be some place far, far away. (leaves)
[in a British accent] Trina, did you learn your lesson?
[in a high voice] About telling lies?
Meow! [he, Robbie and Beck joyfully jump on the couch in circles and leave the house]
(later, as Tori and Cat stay at Tori's house while their hamster project is working)
Come on, hamster!
Run, Fat Santa!
Yeah, baby! Whoo! (David comes to them)
Hey, girls. Uh. What was the name of that actress whose house you went to tonight?
Mona Patterson.
Why?
She's on the news. Channel Six. (David leaves. Then, Tori sits and turns on the TV.)
But by the time firefighters arrived on the scene, Mrs. Patterson's house was already engulfed in flames and could not be saved.
My candle.
No, we don't know for sure. [the news report shows some firefighters extinguishing the fire from the house] Lots of things could start a fire.
The cause of the fire? [shows Cat's candle] This cinnamon bun-scented candle. [both girls gasp in shock] Mrs. Patterson is now resting uncomfortably in St. Billy's Hospital. As for who left the burning candle at the door, police officials say the only clue comes from Mrs. Patterson herself, who dazed and confused from smoke inhalation, was muttering something about a "cat", apparently, with red fur. [Cat holds her head and gasps in horror] Of course, we'll have much more of this story– [Tori changes the channel to a cooking show]
[nervously] Tori?
Shhhhh...
[the episode ends]
(entering the classroom) GOOD MORNING, LE OLD NUTENTS! (laughs in a Western style accent, then puts his coconut on the windowsill) Alright. Now, it's time for...bad news.
They found out coconut juice makes your hair falls out?
(laughs) NO. We're going to do an acting exercise about giving bad news.
Why?
Sikowitz (imitating Jade, sarcastically) Why? To teach you that acting often involves choices in how to say things. For example, how do you give someone bad news and make it seem not so bad?
By telling them in a language they don't understand.
You see, every time I cast a new play, you get your panties in a pretzel. So this time, you people will choose your own roles. (brings box of paper slips to Andre) Andre, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Tommy, ten year old twin brother of Carter."
(makes airplane noise and goes to Beck) Beck, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Carter, ten year old twin brother of Tommy." I guess we're twins.
Then Mama's got some explaining to do.
(makes airplane noise and goes to Jade) Jade, pick a role.
(reading off card) "Nancy, loving wife of astronaut Walter Swain."
(Robbie attempts to pick a role, but Sikowitz makes another airplane noise and goes to Tori) Tori.
(reading off card) "Astronaut Walter Swain.........husband of Nancy...."
I'm supposed to play her wife?
I'll just pick another card!
No! My box has spoken!
I don't wanna be your wife in the play!
Well I don't want to be your husband in the play!
OH!
(mocks Jade) OH!
Rehearsing a play. I have a MUSTACHE...and I think I like it. :{) FEELING: Hairy
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
