Okay, now last week I was in the strip club, right? I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand, I had two hands full of titties. That's bigger than two scoops of raisins; I'm still talking to my accountant at the same time. What's not to like about that?!!
Okay, first of all, I don't know when you talkin' to me, or when you talkin' on the god damn phone. Second, when people wear those thing, they appear to be talkin' to theirselves, there's a name for people who talk to theirselves, Ed... they're called the homeless!
Man, bitches love this Bluetooth shit, it changed my life! I don't know what to do with my hands now!
Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head, Ed; it lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to ya until you finish, which you indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!
You see, I'm what they call tecno-savvy. I fucks wit da future
Yeah, the problem is we don't live in the future, Ed, we live in the present, and in the present that shit looks ridiculous. It's not a cybernetic ear, it's a fucking cell phone headset. The only thing you gonna do wit da thing is call a bitch and unless the bitch is a Martian, there ain't no explanation for that shit to look that damn high-tech. Have you seen that shit in the mirror? You look like you're going to a fucking comic book convention!
IInterrogator
Now you listen here you little bitch. I'm gonna ask you some real simple questions and I want some real simple answers. Now you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9.15?
Yes, I believe, if I'm not mistaken. It was 9.15!
IInterrogator
So you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 9.15?
Ye-N..Nine. Yes, I looked at my watch and yes. Unhuh unhuh, 9.15.
IInterrogator
So you're telling me definitely that you pulled into the garage and went into the house at 8.15?
Yyyyees. That's- I believe it was 8.15. Definitely.
IInterrogator
Hmmmm. Let me see. You know you just fucked up, right?
No! I said... No! I said, I pulled into the garage at duh-
IInterrogator
(laughing) You know you just fucked up, right!
No! I said... Wait a minute!
GKGhostface Killah
(Narrating) Now, if y'all was payin' attention to last season, y'all know what a nigga moment is. A nigga moment is when the mind of a perfectly logical black man is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit, like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit, and the nigga get mad like it's your fault like you fucked up. So his ignorance makes you act crazy, and the next thing you know, niggas is beefin', shootin', fightin', and somebody ends up dead. But yo... not even death can stop a nigga moment.
DThe Devil
(Narrating) He was the baddest motherfucker that Hell had ever seen.
Colonel Motherfuckin' Stinkmeaner, holla at ya boy, I gets money!
DThe Devil
He trained like a beast.
Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch! I'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE!
DThe Devil
He was so bad, he even called me, the Devil himself, a-
This is how you break your foot off in a motherfucker's ass! (He kicks through two flaming hoops and smashes two vases) Hi-yaaah!
(Several demons encircle Stinkmeaner)
Oooh! You baldheaded nigga monsters tryna swarm on a nigga, huh?!
(Stinkmeaner begins to beat the crap out of the demons.)
You just got a two-piece combo with a biscuit, ho! I got three-stick nunchucks!! AAAAAAH!! Got ya, nigga! I see ya, I see ya!
DThe Devil
Stinkmeaner, your heart of darkness has earned you a trip back. You have my blessings to exact vengeance on the Freeman family and to spread ignorance and chaos in the black community. They will be no match for you.
(The Devil places his hand on Stinkmeaner's forehead and blasts him back up to Earth.)
Hell ain't shit! I'm gonna get you, Freeman!
*After Huey helped him to get on Myspace* So she's on my friends list?
Yep, she's your very first cyber friend, and your her 3,000,000th
Yaaaa boy, I love technology!
(narrating) My granddad had recently discovered online dating
You should post more pics, ho's love pictures Grandad
I'm starting to feel like Shamar Moore up in here, Hoo! Boy lets get some music on, turn on the Mypod lets get on the ISpace
(We then see clips of Grandpa taking pictures of himself in various poses)
What outfit you want next Grandad?
The leather vest, the one with the rhinestones (Huey walks in)
Grandad, I.... (stopped because of the shock of seeing his grandad taking a picture of his butt) I can come back
Boy, get over here and take this picture, now whats wrong with you? why the long face?
I had a bad dream about....
Talk and shoot at the same time boy. (Riley walks in carrying two Michael Jackson jackets)
Grandad! you want "Beat It" or "Thriller"?
Hmmmm, that's a tough one, take them back, go get my purple speedo
Purple speedo? that's gay
All right boy, so you had a bad dream
It was a really bad dream about...
(In the closet) I don't see the purple one
Did you check the speedo drawer? Go ahead boy, bad dream and....?
It was about Stinkmeaner (Riley returns with a leopard-print speedo)
Leopard-print's all I could find
Aww man (changes underwear in front of Huey and Riley, who runs out of the room throwing up) damn these things are tight, what about Stinkmeaner?
He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us
Stinkmeaner? don't be crazy
Stinkmeaner? you mean that old man Granddad killed for no reason?
No reason? that man was a psycho, he almost killed your grandaddy
He was blind, you killed a blind old man
Col. Stinkmeaner was a menace, and i sent him to hell where he belongs
(Chuckles) Yeah, Grandad real tough with the handicap, he probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next.
Yeah, this retarded man is gone whoop your little ass that's what he's gonna do... wait...you know what I meant..what were we talkin about? Ohh yeah your dream, look boy, Stinkmeaner aint comin back, he cant hurt you, me, or any of us ok...now lets get one more picture.
(Narrating) Some people are scared of zombies and vampires. But the thing that scare black people the most are niggas and nigga moments. Tom DuBois was as far from a nigga as a black man could be. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit is weakened during a nigga moment.
(Tom waits patiently for a car to pull out of a parking spot. Before he can pull in, a Benz whips into the spot ahead of him.)
What the...? Oh, come on, you... you... ni...nincompoop! You can't do that! Hey!! Come on!
(Narrating) Nigga moments can happen to any black man at any time.
(The young black man gets out of the car, pointedly ignoring Tom. Tom gets out and follows him)
Hey!! That was my space! I had my blinker on and everything!
YBYoung Black Man
Fuck you, punk-ass, pussy-ass hook-ass, nigga! (Tom flinches) I'll beat your motherfuckin' sadiddy ass, nigga! Don't never in yo' LIFE ever try to holla at me, nigga! (starts to walk away) Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll pop da trunk on yo' bitch ass, nigga, get my motherfuckin' Uzi, nigga.
(Tom seethes, and starts to convulse as Stinkmeaner's spirit possesses him. Tom's face contorts evilly)
WHAT DID YOU SAY, NIGGA!?
(Young black man stops in his tracks, turns around and walks back towards Tom)
YBYoung Black Man
(annoyed) You know what, motherfucker? Eat a dick, nigga. I'm tired of this motherf--
(Possessed Tom jumps in the air and kicks the young black man squarely in the chest with both feet. The force sends the young black man flying through the air and lands hard on the concrete)
(in a maniacal froth, the young black man cowers in fear) OH YEAH! Look at ya! You was poppin' all that GOOD SHIT a second ago, then you got KICKED IN YO' CHEST! YOU EAT A DICK, NIGGA, YOU EAT A DICK!
(Tom's face reverses to his regular self, along with his persona)
Oh, my god! Sir, are you ok? Who did this to you? What did he look like? DID ANYONE SEE WHO ACCOSTED THIS MAN?
