Yup, we've gone out every night this week. I'd say we're almost officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, which one are you?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Come here, Freddie!
Leave me alone, Sam! Sam? What are you gonna--? [Sam pushes Freddie out of the room. He crawls to the other room, while Carly and Sam follow him. He gets up] That was assault!
Why are you quitting iCarly?
Yeah, why?
Well, 'cause-- 'Cause maybe I don't like the way Sam treats me!
Oh, come on.
Yeah, she's always putting me down, and calling me mean names, and every time I get an ice cream cone, she takes it and she licks it! She just licks it all over the place, just to bug me!
Great. Now what's the real reason?
Okay. Valerie wants to do a web show, and she asked me to be her tech producer.
So you're just gonna ditch iCarly for another web show?
That's competing against us?
Valerie's my girlfriend. What am I supposed to do?
[bluntly] Dump the chick! How about that?
You know, you guys were the ones who talked me into going out with her in the first place, and now I'm the bad guy?
Look, Freddie, you better just--
Stop. He's right. He should help his girlfriend.
Thanks. And I wasn't gonna leave you guys with no help. I got you guys a new tech producer. If you want him.
Who?
He's really good with the tech stuff.
Who?
This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!
Uh... We were down for about 4 seconds.
Well... that's not a problem, right?
MMarilyn
I'm sorry, guys. To break the world record, your webcast had to be continuous.
[Carly, Freddie and Sam complain]
Haven't you ever heard of the five second rule?
MMarilyn
That's for eating food off the floor.
Well, I feel that that rule could apply here nicely.
MMarilyn
I'm really sorry.
Freddie, what do you think went wrong?
I'm not sure, but I'd bet my whole month's allowance that all of my equipment was working perfectly!
Ooh, you'd bet a whole $8?
Your mom only gives you $8 a month?
She's afraid that if she gives me more, I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her.
That's so dumb!
Yeah, not really.
I can't believe Mr. Cline gave me a D on that test. How'd I get a D?
You only answered half the questions, then told Mr. Cline the test was stupid, then burped, then left.
And that's not worth a D+?
Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?
Will you take a digital picture of my back?
Yes!
Then, yes!
PMrs. Papperman
Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!
[embarrassed] All right, mother! [to Carly] Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, by me! [he shuts off his telecast]
I hate him.
[turns his telecast back on] I heard that. [turns it off again]
Wow, Freddie, I like seeing you all feisty.
That's the Freddie way.
I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.
That's the Freddie Breakfast Way.
[Nevel's grandma walks in and sees Freddie dangling from the ceiling]
NSNevel's Grandma
Ooh, spider!
[She leaves and gets an umbrella]
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation.
What's wrong?
I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.
Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.
Okay, we've got the cable hooked up. Now what?
Okay. There's a file on my desktop called VL2.exe. Drag that onto his hard drive.
Okay.
After you do that, just unhook-- [Nevel's grandma walks back in with an umbrella] Hi, there.
NSNevel's Grandma
SPIDER!!
NSNevel's Grandma
Who are you?
We're your... personal trainers.
Come on. Let's do some squat thrusts.
Squat and thrust.
CSCarly and Sam
Ready? Just squat and thrust. One... Two... Three..
[Sam continues to instruct Nevel's Grandma while Carly helps Freddie down]
Sam, let's go.
[Carly, Sam, and Freddie leave while Nevel's Grandma continues to squat thrust while fake-counting]
NSNevel's Grandma
Three. W. Mustard.
Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.
Oh, man, this bites.
Well, we can't do iCarly as long as Nevel controls our site.
[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly] So true.
[angrily] Get off my monitor! [angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]
Who are you calling?
You'll see.
You ordering pizza?
[annoyed] No! [Sam sits on the couch]
And now, on iCarly, I will sing a song all about my web cast. [singing in a tone similar to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] ♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪
How can this not be infuriating you?!
Just keep watching.
♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪ [noticing that military soldiers are in his house] What are you people doing here? I demand a--
CMColonel Morgan
QUIET!
Yes, sir.
Who's that?
A friend of my dad's.
[deeply surprised] You called in the military?
[smugly] I don't play around.
Lamp. Lamp. Lamp!
I think it knows it's a lamp.
No, I want it to turn on. Lamp! Do you need a ride to school?
No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us. And look what I'm gonna hand in today.
You finished your history report?
No, I finished the greatest history report in the history of history reports.
Nice. So what's it--?
Carly: DON'T TOUCH IT! [Spencer squeals in shock] Sorry, I just have to keep this report looking absolutely perfect. I've never worked harder on anything in my life. And guess what?
What? Lamp! What?
If I get an "A" on this, that means I'll get an "A" for the semester, which means I'll have straight A's on my report card for the first time ever!
I'm very proud of you. [at lamp] Lamp! [annoyed] Gah! Why won't it work?
Let me see the instructions.
Good luck, they're in Japanese.
Well, did you try saying "Lamp" in Japanese?
I did not! How do you say it?
It looks like... "Rampu."
Okay. Rampu. Rampu. RAMPU! [Lamp turns on]
Hey!
It worked!
Yeah, you just got to say it like a really angry Japanese man!
RAMPU! [lamp turns off] Come try! [Carly sits down next to Spencer]
CSCarly and Spencer
[repeatedly] RAMPU! [Freddie walks in and stares at them for a moment, then walks back out slowly]
You gave me a B?! But I thought you said it was the best in the class!
DMr. Devlin
It was. But, it was printed on 3-hole paper, which I despise.
Then just let me re-print it for you, on paper that is completely hole-free!
DMr. Devlin
Reports can only be submitted once. Silly little truffle.
But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester!
DMr. Devlin
Yes. Congratulations.
[angrily] I'd like to punch three holes in him, that's what I'd like to do.
[walking back to Carly's apartment] Tell you what. on the next iCarly, we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house. (Realistically, he'd get angry and he'll hate it.)
Nah, he'd probably like it, 'cause eggs don't have three holes!
I told you not to take his class.
Yes, thank you, Freddie.
Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-ay.
Don't call me "Carl-ay" 'cause I...
To celebrate your straight A's, I'm making you a giant "A" made out of a bunch of smaller A's that I found.
Spencer... -
Your "A" is gonna be huge! And when it's all done... -
I'm not getting straight A's. Mr Devlin gave me a B on my report, even though he said it was flawless.
Why'd you get a B?
Cause I printed it on "three-hole paper".
Mr Devlin's, like, the strictest teacher in school.
Yeah, I know. He used to be lunch room monitor. He gave me detention.
For?
Playing with my fruit.
Listen, it was really cool of you to make this big A for me, but would you mind taking it apart?
Carly...
Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's, then I'd rather not be reminded of... Of what almost was.
Aw, who needs a hug?
Me.
Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?
Rampu!
[Carly jumps]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.