So Kramer's running for president of the condo?
Yeah, it's all my father's doing. He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime and then wield power from behind the scenes.
Who are they running against?
Common sense and a guy in a wheelchair.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
So Sophie gave me the "It's me" on the phone today.
"It's me"? Isn't that a little premature?
I thought so.
She's not a me. I'm a me.
I'm against all "It's me's." So self-absorbed and egotistical. It's like those hip musicians with their complicated shoes!
I had 'em Jerry. They loved me.
And then?
I lost 'em. I can usually come up with one good comment during a meeting, but by the end it's buried under a pile of gaffes and bad puns.
Showmanship, George. When you hit that high note, say goodnight and walk off.
I can't return the book. It's been flagged in every Brentano's in town. So instead I'm going to steal it, return it, get my money back, and then everything will be even.
You defile one book, steal another, get your money back, and that seems even to you?
Well, the rickshaw's gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he phhhffew! He bolted.
Well, you know, 85% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fall within the first three months.
[to Newman] See, we should've gotten some collateral from him...like his bag of cans, or...his other bag of cans...
Hey, look at the high score. "G.L.C." George Louis Costanza. That's not you, is it?
Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still standing. No one has beaten me in, like, ten years.
I remember that night.
Oh, I was UNSTOPPABLE! The perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella... just the right amount of grease on the joy stick...
MMario
Here's your pizza, pea brains.
I think I remember why we stopped coming here.
Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this "Frogger" high score, that's it for me.
Believe me George; you can count on Slippery Pete.
Slippery Pete?
Yeah, I don't care for the name either.
Jerry, I've been thinking. I've gone as far as I can with "George Costanza".
Is this the suicide talk or the nickname talk?
The nickname... George, what is that? It's nothing. It's got no snap, no zip. I need a nickname that makes people light up.
You mean like Liza?!
I was thinking T-Bone.
But there's no T in your name. What about G-Bone?
There's no G-Bone.
There's a G-Spot.
That's a myth.
[Kramer calling Jerry to pick him up from downtown]
Where are you?
I don't know
What street are you on?
[looks around] I'm on First and... First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe!
MMan
Hey! There's a guy burning the Puerto Rican flag!
BBob
Who! Who is burning the flag?!
Oh, no.
BBob
Him?
CCedric
That's not very nice.
See ya around, Maroon Golf! Oh and by the way, that was a "I'm not sorry wave"?
MGMaroon Golf
What was that?
I'm glad I cut you off! Because Black Saab rules! So long, jackass!
[to audience] Oh, hello. Nine years: seems like a long time, doesn't it? It is, and we've packed a lot in the four of us. It seems like every week a whole new set of problems would just crop up outta nowhere... except for summer where nothing seemed to happen for months at a time.
[Newman is begging Jerry to take him to Paris.]
Please! Take me with you! Please!
Get off me! You're making me sick! Be a man!
All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come — oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld — your day of reckoning is coming, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!
[as the plane is about to crash] Jerry! Can you hear me?
Yeah.
There's something I have to tell you!
What is it?
I cheated in the contest!
What?
The contest! I cheated!
What? Why?
Because I'm a cheater! I had to tell you.
Great! I won!
HHoyt
State your name.
Yev Kassem.
HHoyt
Could you spell that, please?
No! Next question.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.