[Ramsay blows on a trumpet, awakening Theon, who is hanging from a rack]
Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Wa? Wa? Water! You want some water. [Ramsay grabs a cup of water] I wish I had some for you. [Ramsay pours the water on the ground in front of an anguished Theon.] So let's play a game. Which body part do you need the least?
Please is not a body part.
I'll tell you everything, please...
But you already told me everything, remember? Your daddy was mean to you. The Starks didn't appreciate you. One good bit, though: the Stark boys, they're still alive. Wouldn't that be a hunt to remember? You failed, but I'm a better hunter than you. Now, how about your little finger? You don't need that for much, do you? No? Good. Let's start with that. You've been wondering why you're here, haven't you? Where you are, who I am, why I'm doing this to you. So guess. If you guess right, I'll tell you. By the Old Gods and the New, I swear it. You win the game if you can figure out who I am and why I'm torturing you, and I win the game if you beg me to cut off your finger!
If I win, you'll let me go?
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
[pulling out a knife] You say please again and you'll wish you hadn't. You first. Where are we?
[Ramsay jams the knife in Theon's little finger. Theon groans in pain]
Do I look like a fucking Umber to you?
[Ramsay moves the blade around]
Karhold? How did you know that? Did you see any banners flying when we came in?
Very good, Lord Theon. And who am I?
He's dead. Strangled by the Kingslayer.
He was your brother. Your father is Lord Rickard Karstark. [A defeated Ramsay sits back down] You swore to tell me if I-!
Lord Rickard Karstark is Robb Stark's bannerman. I betrayed Robb. That's why you're torturing me.
Yes. You win. [pause] Of course you forgot to ask one question. You forgot to ask if I'm a liar! [he sticks his knife back into Theon's little finger, causing Theon to scream in agony] I'm afraid I am. [begins carving Theon's skin on his little finger] Everything I told you is a lie. [he begins to peel off Theon's little finger skin. Theon screams in absolute pain] This isn't happening to you for a reason. Well, one reason: I enjoy it.
PLEASE CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[about the Iron Throne] A thousand blades. Taken from the hands of Aegon's fallen enemies, forged in the fiery breath of Balerion the Dread.
There aren't a thousand blades. There aren't even two hundred. I've counted.
Heh. I'm sure you have. Ugly old thing.
Yet it has a certain... appeal.
The Lysa Arryn of chairs. Shame that you had to settle for your second choice.
Early days, my friend. It is flattering, really, you feeling such dread at the prospect of me getting what I want.
Thwarting you has never been my primary ambition, I promise you... although who doesn't like to see their friends fail now and then.
You're so right. For instance, when I thwarted your plan to give Sansa Stark to the Tyrells... if, I'm going to be honest, I did feel an unmistakable sense of... enjoyment there. But your confidante, the one who fed you information about my plans, the one you swore to protect, you didn't bring her any enjoyment. And she didn't bring me any enjoyment. She was a bad investment on my part. Luckily, I have a friend who wanted to try something new. Something daring. And he was so grateful to me for providing this fresh experience.
I did what I did for the good of the realm.
The realm. Do you know what the realm is? It's the thousand blades of Aegon's enemies, a story we agreed to tell each other over and over 'till we forget that it's a lie.
But what do we have left once we abandon the lie? Chaos. A gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.
Chaos... isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, who are given the chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm. Or the gods. Or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.
You think? You don't know?
When we went to Castle Black, we took the Kingsroad.
You and your roads. Is that how you lot do your fighting? You march down a road, banging drums and waving banners?
How do the men holding the banners fight?
They don't, really. It's a great honor to carry a house sigil.
And the drummers? Is that a great honor too?
Usually, it's the young boys bangin' the drums.
Well, it's, it's the rhythm.
[laughing] What, you mean, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot? What, you need help remembering that? When Mance gives the signal and we hit Castle Black, we won't be banging on drums to let 'em know we're coming.
No. No, you're just gonna light the biggest fire the North has ever seen, to let them know you're coming.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Now comes the noble Razdal mo Eraz of that ancient and honorable house, master of men and speaker to savages, to offer terms of peace. Noble lord, you are in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
Will the noble lord take refreshment? [Razdahl nods and takes an offered cup of wine]
RRazdal
Ancient and glorious is Yunkai. Our empire was old before dragons stirred in old Valyria. Many an army has broken against our walls. You shall find no easy conquest here, Khaleesi.
Good. My Unsullied need practice. I was told to blood them early.
RRazdal
If blood is your desire, blood shall flow. But why? 'Tis true you have committed savageries in Astapor. But the Yunkai are a forgiving and generous people. The Wise Masters of Yunkai have sent a gift for the silver queen. [slaves bring in two chests of gold] There is far more than this awaiting you on the deck of your ship.
RRazdal
Yes, khaleesi. As I said, we are a generous people. You shall have as many ships as you require.
And what do you ask in return?
RRazdal
All we ask is that you make use of these ships. Sail them back to Westeros where you belong and leave us to conduct our affairs in peace.
I have a gift for you as well. Your life.
And the lives of your Wise Masters. But I also want something in return. You will release every slave in Yunkai. Every man, woman, and child shall be given as much food, clothing, and property as they can carry as payment for their years of servitude. Reject this gift, and I shall show you no mercy.
RRazdal
You are mad. We are not Astapor or Qarth. We are Yunkai and we have powerful friends. Friends who would take great pleasure in destroying you. Those who survive, we shall enslave once more. Perhaps we'll make a slave of you as well. [One of Daenerys' dragons screeches] You swore me safe conduct.
I did, but my dragons made no promises. And you threatened their mother.
RRazdal
[to his slaves] Take the gold.
[Daenerys' dragons screech and the slaves back away]
My gold. You gave it to me, remember? And I shall put it to good use. You'd be wise to do the same with my gift to you. Now get out. [Razdal leaves]
The Yunkish are a proud people. They will not bend.
And what happens to things that don't bend?
[about Jojen] What's he goin' on about? And how come he always gets to sit and chat, while we do all the work?
JRJojen Reed
That's where we are...
What are you tellin' him?
It's not all right. You think I can't hear you every day? Filling his head with black magic? Talking about visions and three-eyed ravens and worse?
He can speak for himself.
JRJojen Reed
I don't fill his head with anything.
So what d'you talk about?
JRJojen Reed
What's happening to him, and...what that means.
Go on, then. Tell us what it means.
JRJojen Reed
It's not like that. I wish that I could tell him all the answers; it would be much easier.
I don't want you talking to him anymore, until we get to your brother at Castle Black.
JRJojen Reed
We're not going to Castle Black.
JRJojen Reed
I told you already. Jon Snow isn't there. Bran needs to find the Raven, beyond the Wall.
Oh, no. I'm not going back there! Your brother is at Castle Black. That's where we're going! Look at me.
The raven's been coming to me, ever since I fell from that tower. He wants me to find him. I don't have my legs anymore! This is what I have, now.
You have a family. You need to go back to Castle Black, so you can get back to them, where you belong.
What if I belong in the North? What if...I fell from that tower for a reason?
[glares at Jojen] Is that what he's telling you? That it's all for a reason? All these bad things happened, because the Gods got big plans for you? I wish it were true, little Lord, but the Gods wouldn't spare a raven's cold shit for you, or me, or anyone.
You don't understand. You don't know.
You don't know! None of you know. None of you have been up there! I had a man, once; a good man. Bruni, his name was. I was his, and he was mine. But one night, Bruni disappears. People said he left me, but I knew him. He'd never leave me. Not for long. I knew he'd come back. And he did. He came in through the back of the hut. Only, he wasn't Bruni, not really. His skin was... pale, like a dead man's. His eyes, bluer than clear sky. He came at me, grabbed me by the neck, and squeezed so hard I could feel the life slipping out of me. I don't know how I got the knife, but when I did, I stuck it deep into his heart. And he hardly seemed to notice. I had to burn our hut down, with him inside. I didn't ask the Gods what it meant. I didn't need to. It meant the North was no place for men to be, not anymore. I promised your Maester I'd get you to Castle Black, and no further.
You wanted to speak to me?
Yes! I'd like a report on the meetings of my Small Council.
You're welcome to attend the meetings of your Small Council, Your Grace, any or all of them.
I've been very busy, many important matters require a King's attention!
You've been holding the Small Council meetings in the Tower of the Hand, instead of the Small Council Chamber.
The Tower of the Hand is where I work. To walk from there to here would take time - time I could otherwise spend productively.
So, if I wanted to attend one of my Small Council meetings, I would now have to climb all the stairs in the Tower of the Hand? [Tywin slowly walks up to the Iron Throne, unsettling Joffrey]
...We could arrange to have you carried.
Tell me about the Targaryen girl in the East, and her dragons.
Where did you hear about this?
Don't you think we ought to do something about it?
When I was Hand of the King under your father's predecessor, the skulls of all the Targaryen dragons were kept in this room - and the skull of the last of them was right here. It was the size of an apple.
And the biggest was the size of a carriage.
Yes, and the creature to whom it belonged died three hundred years ago! Curiosities on the far side of the world are no threat to us.
But how do we know these dragons are...curiosities, and not the beasts that brought the whole world to heel?
Because we have been told as much by the many experts who serve the Realm by counseling the King on matters about which he knows nothing.
But I haven't been counseled!
You are being counseled at this very moment.
I should be consulted about such things.
From now on, I will see to it that you are appropriately consulted on important matters...whenever necessary. [starts to walk away, then turns back and bows his head] Your Grace.
LLocke
[watching Brienne in a gladiator pit, facing a bear] Well, this is one shameful fucking performance. Stop running and fight! :[Jaime appears, followed by Qyburn and a Bolton bodyguard, Steelshanks]
LLocke
Thought you'd gone.
You gave her a wooden sword!
LLocke
I've only got one bear.
I'll pay her bloody ransom. Gold, sapphires, whatever you want. Just get her out of there!
LLocke
All you Lords and Ladies. You still think that the only thing that matters is gold. [grabs the stump of Jaime's wrist] Well, this makes me happier than all your gold ever could. And that [points at Brienne's predicament] makes me happier than all her sapphires. So go buy yourself a golden hand and fuck yourself with it!
[Jaime climbs the rail and leaps into the pit, trying to draw the bear off Brienne]
[Suddenly, a crossbow bolt hits the bear in the shoulder, fired by Steelshanks]
LLocke
The'FUCK you doin' to my bear?
SSteelshanks
Lord Bolton charged me with bringin' him back to King's Landing, alive! An' that's what I intend to do!
Pull her up! [two of the Bolton men do so; the bear starts to advance on Jaime]
Hold my legs! [Jaime manages to take Brienne's hand] Pull me back! [the Bolton bannermen pull them both up]
I'm taking her to King's Landing, unless you kill me.
LLocke
She belongs to me. Lord Bolton's orders.
What do you think is more important to Lord Bolton? Getting his pet rat a reward or ensuring that Tywin Lannister gets his son back alive? Well, we must be on our way. Sorry about the sapphires.
Your Grace, allow me to present the Captains of the Second Sons: Mero of Braavos, Prendahl Na Ghezn, and...
DNDaario Naharis
Daario Naharis.
MMero
You're the mother of Dragons? I swear I fucked you once, in a pleasure house in Lys.
MMero
Why? I didn't mind hers. She licked my ass like she was born to do it. [grins at her, then gestures to Missandei] You, slave girl. Bring wine.
MMero
You'll all be slaves after the battle, unless I save you. Take your clothes off, and come and sit on Mero's lap, and I may give you my Second Sons.
Give me your Second Sons, and I may not have you gelded. Ser Barristan, how many men fight for the Second Sons?
Under two thousand, Your Grace.
I'm only a young girl, new to the ways of war, but perhaps a seasoned Captain like yourself can explain to me how you propose to defeat us?
DNDaario Naharis
I hope the old man is better with a sword than he is with a lie. You have eight thousand Unsullied.
You're very young, to be a Captain.
PNPrendahl Na Ghezn
He isn't a Captain; he's a lieutenant.
Even if your numbers are right, you must admit the odds don't favor your side.
MMero
The Second Sons have faced worse odds and won.
The Second Sons have faced worse odds and run.
Or, you could fight for me.
MMero
We've taken the slavers' gold. We fight for Yunkai.
I would pay you as much, and more.
PNPrendahl Na Ghezn
Our contract is our bond. If we break our bond, no one will hire the Second Sons again.
Ride with me, and you'll never need another contract. You'll have gold and castles and lordships of your choosing, when I take back the Seven Kingdoms.
DNDaario Naharis
You have no ships, you have no siege weapons. You have no cavalry.
A fortnight ago, I had no army. A year ago, I had no dragons. You have two days to decide.
MMerot
Show me your cunt. I want to see if it's worth fighting for.
[in Valyrian] My Queen, shall I slice out his tongue for you?
[smiles, replies in Valyrian] These men are our guests. [to Mero] You seem to be enjoying my wine. Perhaps you'd like a flagon to help you think it over?
MMero
Only a flagon? And what are my brothers-in-arms to drink?
MMero
Good! The Titan's Bastard does not drink alone. In the Second Sons, we share everything. Maybe after the battle, we'll all share you. I'll come looking for you after this is over.
Ser Barristan, if it comes to battle, kill that one first.
Congratulations, my lady.
We've done it. You've married a Lannister! Soon you will have a Lannister baby. It's a dream come true for you, isn't it? What a glorious day!
I suppose it doesn't really matter which Lannister puts the baby into you. Maybe I'll pay you a visit after my uncle passes out. How'd you like that? [Sansa doesn't answer] You wouldn't? Well, that's all right. Ser Meryn and Ser Boris will hold you down. [to the crowd] Time for the bedding ceremony!
There will be no bedding ceremony.
Where's your respect for tradition, uncle? Come, everyone! Pick her up, and carry her to her wedding bed. Get rid of her gown, she won't be needing it any longer. Ladies! Attend to my uncle, he's not heavy!
There will be no bedding ceremony.
There will be if I command it!
[Tyrion angrily slams his dagger into the table]
Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock!
What did you say? What...did you...SAY?!
I believe we can dispense with the bedding ceremony, Your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion did not mean to threaten the king.
[laughs] A bad joke, Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small, my poor wife won't even know I'm there.
Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.
I am...guilty. But... But, it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do. Come, wife. I vomited on a girl once. Middle of the act. Not proud of it. But I think honesty is important between a man and wife. Don't you agree? Come, I'll tell you all about it, put you in the mood.
Tyrion, Sansa. My name is Tyrion. [pours himself a cup of wine]
Nothing was ever wiser. Astoundingly long...
Neck. You have one. How old are you, exactly?
Well, talk won't make you any older. My lord father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.
[Sansa pours herself a cup of wine and hastily drinks it; she begins undressing]
[shakes his head] Stop. I can't... I could, but I won't.
If my father wants someone to get fucked, I know where he can start. I won't share your bed. Not until you want me to.
What if I never want you to?
"And so my Watch begins."
Two meals a day: cold for breakfast, hot for supper. I cannot complain.
You don't belong in a place like this.
Well, sad to say, but I've seen worse.
I'm sorry about your son. I never got the chance to tell you before. Good lad, loyal lad. Melisandre's returned.
I didn't know she'd been gone.
Came back with a bastard boy, Robert's bastard boy.
She says "power in king's blood."
Forgive me, Your Grace, I'm not a learned man, but is there a difference between kill and sacrifice? The boy's your nephew.
What of it? We're at war. Why should I spare the son of some tavern slut Robert bedded one drunken night?
Because he has your blood in his veins.
Renly wronged you. Renly declared himself king when the throne belonged to you. He raised an army, stole your bannermen. This boy's done you no harm. He's an innocent.
How many boys live in Westeros? How many girls? How many men? How many women? "The darkness will devour them all", she says, "the night that never ends." Unless I triumph. I never asked for this - no more than I asked to be King. We do not choose our destiny, but we must do our duty, no? Great or small, we must do our duty. What's one bastard boy against a kingdom?
Your Grace, why did you come to see me, today?
I came to free you. If you swear to never raise your hand to the Lady Melisandre again.
I swear it. I can't swear never to speak against her.
You have little regard for your own life.
Quite little, Your Grace. Verging on none. You could've freed me yesterday, or tomorrow... but you came to me now, before this boy is put to the knife, because... you knew I'd counsel restraint. You came to hear me say it, because you believe it yourself. You're not a man who slaughters innocents, for gain or glory. When my son was five, he said to me, "I don't ever want to die." I wanted to say to him, "You won't child- you won't ever." I hated the idea of him lying awake in the dark, afraid. I think mothers and fathers made up the Gods... because they wanted their children to sleep through the night.
I saw a vision in the flames. A great battle in the snow... I saw it. And you saw whatever she gave birth to. I never believed, but when you see the truth, when it's right there in front of you, as real as these iron bars... how can you deny her God is real?
You look radiant, your Grace.
It's word that came to mind. We're going to be sisters soon, we should be friends.
You're a musical girl, aren't you? I imagine you have a lovely voice.
A better dancer, than a singer, I'm afraid.
Ah, but you know the song, the Rains of Castamere?
Of course. They play it so often here at court.
So you know the story of House Reyne of Castamere?
Not as well as you, I'm sure.
House Reyne was a powerful family. Very wealthy. Second wealthiest in Westeros. Aren't the Tyrells the second wealthiest family in Westeros now? Of course, ambitious climbers don't want to stop on the second highest rung. If only you could take that final step. You'd see further than all the rest. You'd be alone with nothing but blue sky above you. So Lord Reyne built a castle, as grand as Casterly Rock. He gave his wife diamonds, larger than any my mother ever wore. And finally, one day, he rebelled against my father. Do you know where House Reyne is now?
Gone? A gentle word. Why not say slaughtered? Every man, woman and child, put to the sword. I remember seeing their bodies hanging high above the gates of Casterly Rock. My father let them rot up there all summer. It was a long summer. [Quoting "Rains of Castamere] And now the rains weep o'er their halls, and not a soul to hear." If you ever call me "sister" again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep.
My honored guests, be welcome within my walls and at my table. I extend to you my hospitality and my protection in the light of the Seven.
Thank you for your hospitality, my lord. I've come to make my apologies, my lord, and to beg your forgiveness.
Don't beg my forgiveness, your grace. It wasn't me you spurned, it was my girls. One of them was supposed to be queen. Now none of them are. This is Arwaya, my daughter, my daughter Walda, my daughter Derwa, my daughter Waldra. My eldest granddaughters Janeya and Neyela. Serra and Sarra, granddaughters, twins. You could have had either. You could have both for all I care. My granddaughter Marianne, my granddaughter Freya, my granddaughter...Wertha? Walra? Waldina?
Fine. And here's my youngest daughter, Shirei. Though she hasn't bled yet, clearly you don't have the patience for all that.
My ladies, all men should keep their word. Kings most of all. I was pledged to marry one of you and I broke that vow. The fault is not with you. Any man would be lucky to have any one of you. I did what I did not to slight you but because I loved another. I know these words cannot set right the wrong I've done to you and your house. I beg your forgiveness and pledge to do all I can to make amends so the Freys of the Crossing and the Starks of Winterfell may once again be friends.
[A bemused Walder claps his hands.]
He complained about this marriage the entire way from Riverrun, and now look at him.
The Gods love to reward a fool.
What? He's my nephew, I love him, and, he's a damn fool.
[Next to them, Roose Bolton prevents a servant girl from pouring him wine.]
Don't you drink, Lord Bolton?
Never do, my Lady, dulls the senses.
That's the point. Didn't you marry one of these Frey girls?
Aye, Lord Walder let me choose any of his granddaughters and promised me the girl's weight in silver as a dowry. So, I have a fat young bride.
I hope she makes you very happy.
Well, she's made me very rich.
Pardon, my Lord, my Lady, I need to find a tree to piss on.
[To Robb] Your Grace, I fear I've been, remiss in my duties. I've given you meat and wine and music, but, I haven't shown you the hospitality you deserve. My king has married and I owe my new queen a wedding gift.
[Catelyn notices Roose Bolton is wearing chain mail, and slaps him]
[Robb turns just as Roose Bolton flees from his chair and Lothar Frey walks up behind Talisa and stab her repeatedly in the stomach]
