[about doctors] I love these people. You can't ask 'em questions.They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office. When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You think I want another family? My father's demanding my uncle pay interest on fifty dollars he was supposed to give my mother in 1941 and my uncle put my nana in a home to try and shut her up! And I'll tell you another thing, Cosmo Kramer, whatever you wanna be called. The kissing thing is over. There's no more kissing, and I don't care what the consequences are. [Suddenly, Kramer grabs Jerry, pulls him in and kisses him full on the mouth. George half-enters. Kramer releases Jerry, who stares at him in shock. George stands in the doorway and looks between Jerry and Kramer without saying a word. He has a "Well, what do you know?" expression on his face. He slowly backs out of the doorway and closes it behind him]
I'm going up to see Elaine Benes.
DDoorman
What are you, the boyfriend? Here for a quickie?
[waiting foe the elevator] How 'bout those Knicks?
DDoorman
Oh, I see. On the sports page...
Yeah.
DDoorman
What makes you think I wasn't reading the Wall Street page? Oh, I know, because I'm the uneducated doorman.
[dressed as a doorman] Hey, hey, wait a second. You live here?
GMr. Green
Of course I live here! I've lived here for twenty years. Now if you don't let me in, I'm going to call the police and have you arrested!
[Jerry lets the man pass.]
[yells] You think you're better than me?
JJimmy
You know, Jimmy is pretty sweet on you.
[thinks that Jimmy is another guy] Aaaaaahhh! He is?
JJimmy
Oh, yeah! Jimmy's been watching you. You're just Jimmy's type.
Ahh! Really?
JJimmy
Jimmy's new in town. Jimmy... doesn't really know anyone.
Oh! Well, I'd like to get to know him.
JJimmy
Jimmy would like to get to know you.
You said, "George likes spicy chicken."
No I didn't.
Yes, you did. You said, "George likes spicy chicken."
You know what you're doing? You're turning into Jimmy.
George is getting UPSET!
What's this, a drawing of Mr. Magoo?
No, that's George.
[realizing that his girlfriend doesn't care what he looks like or what he wears] You know Jerry; I've been searching for someone a long time. Well, the search is over.
And now the search for the right psychiatrist begins.
So, did you get your new plates?
Oh... yeah. I got my new plates. But they mixed them up. Somebody got mine and I got their vanity plates.
What do they say?
Assman.
Assman?
Yeah. Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!
Who would order a license plate that says "Assman"?
Maybe they're Wilt Chamberlain's.
It doesn't have to be someone who gets a lot of women. It could be just some guy with a big ass.
Yeah, or it could be a proctologist.
Yeah. Proctologist.
Come on! No doctor would put that on his car.
Have you ever met a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one!"
Georgie, I'm a divorcee.
No, you're not a divorcee. You're just separated. You're — you're a "separatee."
Well, I'm out there, George.
No, you're not out there.
I am, too!
You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
KKatie
Jerry, I don't want you to freak out.
I'm freakin' out! I am freakin' out!
So, what're you doing about Morgan?
You know, what would be great? If she could see me with some of my black friends.
Yeah except you don't really have any black friends. Outside of us, you don't have any white friends either.
Who are these nitwits that get on a plane with nothing to read? You know who these people are?
Who?
These are the people that want to talk to you. They got nothing else to do, why not disturb you?
I will never understand people.
They're the worst.
You have any idea how fast these things deteriorate when there's an 'I love you' out of the bag? You can't have a relationship where one person says 'I love you,' and the other one says 'I'm hungry, let's get something to eat.'
Unless you're married...
Now she thinks I'm one of these guys that loves her. Nobody wants to be with somebody that loves them!
No, people hate that.
You want to be with somebody that doesn't like you.
Ideally.
I am never saying 'I love you' again unless they say it first.
I watched "Beaches" on cable last night... give me a break.
BBette
Get some talent. Then you can mouth off.
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