[singing] Everybody's talkin' at me... can't hear a word they're sayin'... just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car...
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Jerry is trying the only pair of boots he has available]
I can't wear these. They look ridiculous.
Well, you look like a cowboy!
I don't wanna be a cowboy!
Hey! Did you get the Volvo?
No, I decided to go with an '89 LeBaron.
A LeBaron?
I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car?
What Consumer? I'm the consumer.
Alright. Seems like... a strange choice.
Well, maybe so... but it was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.
Jon Voight? The actor?
That's right. He just happened to be the previous owner of the vehicle.
You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?
No, no...
I think yes, yes. You like the idea of telling people you're driving Jon Voight's car.
You got no waist in that thing.
And your arms look like something in a kosher deli.
LLois
Would you be able to come all the way downtown during rush hour again?
Well, I'd have to be Superman to do that, Lois.
[Elaine is ordering Chinese takeaway despite being blacklisted earlier]
Um, yeah, hi, I'd like delivery please to 16 West 75th St. apartment 2G.
LLew
[menacingly] I know that address! You're Benes, right? You're on our list. NO MORE DELIVERIES!
No. no, she doesn't live here anymore. This is someone else.
LLew
Oh, yeah. What's the name?
Why do you need the name? You already have the address.
LLew
[in a sinister tone] We need a name. Give us a name!
Okay, okay, Ned Isakoff.
Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!
They did not have roommates in the middle ages!
Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200, somewhere, there were two women living together.
The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get on board and we can get to work! Now what's it going to be?
Alright, dammit, I'm in.
[about Tim Whatley] He recycled this gift. He's a regifter.
Oh, it's "Risk." It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.
What's this?
It's an eye patch.
You look like a pirate.
I wanna be a pirate.
You think I tell Jerry everything? It's not like he's my wife.
I tell you, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it's a pleasure.
Good to have you back.
And you know what else I've decided to do? I'm going to keep seeing the bald woman.
She's as good as anybody else.
Her scalp was clean. She had a nice skull. There just wasn't a lot of hair on it.
Yeah you've had like a religious awakening. You're like a bald-again.
So George, how do I beat this lie detector?
I'm sorry, Jerry I can't help you.
Come on, you've got the gift. You're the only one that can help me.
Jerry, I can't. It's like saying to Pavorotti, "Teach me to sing like you."
All right, well I've got to go take this test. I can't believe I'm doing this.
Jerry, just remember. It's not a lie if you believe it.
I'm going on record right now that was my last kiss hello. I am getting off the kiss program with her.
Why?
Well, frankly, outside of a sexual relationship, I don't see the point to it. I'm not thrilled with all the handshaking either, but one step at a time. If you could say touch her breast as part of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little bit better.
How about an intercourse hello? How would that be?
Elaine, now you're just being ridiculous.
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