Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time. It's like my penis is facing my brain is a chess match. And I'm letting him win.
You're not letting him win. He wins till you're forty.
Then what?
He still wins but it's not a blowout.
I don't like when a woman says, 'Make love to me', it's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.
Really?
That's a lot of pressure. Make love to me. What am I, in the circus? What if I can't deliver?
Oh, come on.
I can't perform under pressure. That's why I never play anything for money, I choke. I could choke tonight. And she works in my office, can you imagine? She goes around telling everyone what happened? Maybe I should cancel, I have a very bad feeling about this.
George, you're thinking too much.
I know, I know, I can't stop it!
[about Eva's fur] You don't care that innocent defenseless animals are being tortured so that you can look good?
Could we talk about this some other time?
Are you a vegetarian?
Here we go...
Yeah, I eat fish occasionally.
So you're a hypocrite.
Hey, I've eaten frogs, so nobody's perfect.
I'm sorry, we have no mid-size available at the moment, sir.
I don't understand, I made a reservation, do you have my reservation?
Yes, we do, unfortunately we ran out of cars.
What? but the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
I know why we have reservations.
I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation. You see, it's the holding. Anybody can just take 'em.
Would you like to purchase the renter's insurance?
Yeah, you better give me the insurance because I'm going to beat the hell out of this thing.
Now you didn't tell me you didn't know how to drive. You should have mentioned that.
Well I know how to drive.
Then how'd all those cars get damaged? Why are people calling me up screaming on the phone? Most of them cancelled out on me.
Can I get anybody anything?
Moving cars from one side of the street to the other don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. My question to you is who's putting your pants on?
George I put my pants on, Sid.
I don't believe you. If you can put your pants on, you can move those cars.
Well I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants.
I’m gonna get right to the point, uh, it’s come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
Who said that?
She did.
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell ya, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon… cause you know I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell ya people do that all the time.
You’re fired.
Well you didn’t have to say it like that.
I want you out of here by the end of the day.
[Gets up from his chair but turns back to face Mr. Lippman before leaving] What about the whole “Christmas spirit” thing, any flexibility there?
Nah.
George, this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever given me!
Well, good, good. Take it off. You're going to wear it out already. It's for special occasions this thing.
What's that red dot on your sweater?
All right, Coney Island. Okay, you can take the B or the F and switch for the N at Broadway-Lafayette, or you can go over the bridge to DeKalb and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue, then switch to the IRT 2, 3, 4, or 5, but don't get on the G. See, that's very tempting, but you wind up on Smith and 9th street, then you got to get on the R.
Couldn't he just take the D straight to Coney Island?
Well, yeah...
Remember, don't whistle on the elevator.
Why not?
That's what Willy Loman told Biff before his interview in Death of a Salesman.
What, you are comparing me to Biff Loman? Very encouraging: the biggest loser in history of American literature.
Well, it's over. It's definitely over.
She broke up with you.
No, but I can tell she's going to, I can sense it. We had this terrible phone conversation. I was so nervous before I called, I made up this whole list of things to talk about.
What was on the list?
Uh, let's see... [pulls a piece of paper out of his coat pocket and starts reading from it] "I'm very good at going in reverse in my car". "Why isn't Postum a more popular drink?"
[Takes the list from George and starts looking at it] Yeah, Postum is underrated.
Anyway, there was all this tension. I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner and she said "no, maybe we can get together for lunch." You know what that means.
What's wrong with lunch?
Lunch is fine at the beginning, then you move on to dinner. You don't go back to lunch, it's like being demoted. I'll never do another crossword puzzle with her again, I know it.
I like the jumble. You ever do the jumble?
I have no power, don't you understand? I need hand, I have no hand!
Break up with her.
What?
You break up with her. You reverse everything that way.
A "preemptive break-up"...
A "preemptive break-up". This is an incredible idea..
Yeah.
I got nothing to lose! We either break-up which she would do anyways but at least I go out with some dignity, or I completely turn the tables! This is absolutely brilliant!
I am breaking up with you!
But you can't break up with me! I've got hand!
And you're gonna need it.
But here it was, mountains of duck. And not fatty duck, either, but juicy, tender breasts of duck.
Wow, she is really hungry!
[Gina's boyfriend Martin is in a coma] Kiss me right in front of him.
I can't. What if he wakes up.
A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him. What kind of a man are you?
I'm a man who respects a good coma.
What kind of hair?
You know: long, dark hair.
Flowing?
Flowing?
Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.
"Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me." Is that what you said?
Yeah, that's right.
Just clarifying.
Let me ask you this. If you stick your hand in the hair is it easy to get it out?
Do you want to be able to get it out or do you want to not be able to get it out?
I'd like to be able to get it out.
I think you'll get it out.
What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.
She's got a fine cheek.
Is there a pinkish hue?
A pinkish hue?
Yeah, a rosy glow.
There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows; women kill to have her eyebrows.
Who cares about eyebrows?
You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
I went out with you.
That's because my standards are too low.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
