[gasps] You banged my sweet cousin, Angie?
No.
Oh, Jesus.
I banged your sister.
Missy? Franco she was like 17.
I know. I waited a year.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I'm an old man. So they put me in jail. That could be two weeks for all we know.
That could be one week.
Thanks, asshole.
Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter.
I had first dibs.
Did you just say dibs?
Seriously, this whole Katy thing is freaking me out. I can't shake it.
So you believe in heaven?
Of course.
With people standing around on clouds all day?
Well, yeah.
With wings?
We---I don't know about wings. That seems a little stupid.
But people standing around all day on water vapor. That's perfectly reasonable?
Look, all I'm saying is that there is a heaven, okay? I've always believe that. What it is exactly, that's up to each individual person. You know? Like, my heaven, for example, I mean, there's clouds.
We've established that.
But there's a lot of downtime, y'know? And you can play video games all day. Oh, and the best part is, if you, like want a Mountain Dew or somethin', you don't have to go and get it and open the can, y'know? You just-- You think it, and then taste just...appears in you mouth, and you're quenched. You know, your thirst.
[After talking to Katy] You had to be there, Lou. It was eerie.
Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.
Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.
She didn't. I was watching.
You know, guys, she's a little girl whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.
[Sean and Mike enter Katy's room while she's sitting on her bed drawing on a pad using crayons.]
Hi.
Hi.
How are you doing? (He walks towards the bed and sits down next to Katy.)
I miss my brother.
Yeah, yeah, I bet. But you know what, Katy? You just- ah- you just gotta remember that you're gonna- see him again... someday. You know, up in heaven.
[Katy is silent.]
SWSean whispers to Mike
You want to help me out here, say something? Say something. Say something!
Um, you see, Katy, um, where he is right now, there is no pain. He is happy. And he doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that all go away.
Is that true?
That's what I heard.
Wow. Wow.
[They turn their attention back to Katy.]
Listen Katy, you gotta know that Connor is fine and he's being taken care of, and you're going to see him again."
No, I won't.
Yes, you will, sweetie, I promise.
No, I won't. Because there is no heaven.
Of course there's a heaven, honey.
Prove it.
[Mike and Sean glance at each other and whisper something.]
Um... See, y-you just have to... believe.
I do believe. I believe there is no heaven, just as there is no god. Human beings know he doesn't exist. We need to feel special, more special than animals and bugs. Because we are scared. We need to think there is someone out there protecting us, watching over us. We're nothing. We come from dirt, and we go back into the dirt.
See ya. (He quickly gets up and leaves.)
Listen, Katy-
Can you please leave me alone now?"
Absolutely. (He gets up and leave.)
[About Tommy]I hope to Christ he doesn't fall off the wagon.
I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.
Probie, do you know anything about this chick Garrity's been seeing?
No, he's been pretty tight-lipped about it. I know she's older, though.
Yeah, how much older?
Like a lot older-she was watching Monday Night Football the night they announced John Lennon got shot.
Yeah, that was, like, 1980, right? She couldn't have been, like, five years old.
She had a bet on the game.
I need you to talk to Damian. I found a box of condoms in his room.
Look, he’s almost 18 years old. There’s porn all over the internet, okay – hardcore, softcore, midgets blowing sheep. I think he’s probably pretty up to date.
Let me get this straight--
I'm bangin' my science teacher.
Mrs. Turbody, she's obviously married.
No, no actually she's widowed. That's kinda how we connected. You know, the grieving processes, the different stages, blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah.
Yeah, I got that from you.
This is some serious stuff. This-- this could scar you for life.
Yeah. I sure as hell hope so.
No. Literally, I mean you could end up being my age and still have the mental images from this-- y'know, in the front of your brain.
[Damian cheers]
[trying to convince Damian to stop dating his teacher] Alright, here's the deal. You ever look behind your mom's TV set, where the home entertainment system is and all that stuff is. You ever look behind there?
Uh, no.
Well, if you did, you'd see a whole gaggle of wires back there with connections and stuff-- there's inputs and there's outputs, and-- and it's kinda like your interior pleasure center. Like, your brain is wired directly to your penis, okay? So, you have all these inputs and outputs and if you put the wrong input in the wrong output, next thing y'know your brain is sending the wrong signal to your dick and you can get completely screwed up, okay? So it's okay now when you're 18 years old and you're bangin' a hot 38 year old Mrs. Turbody-- but then you can turn into a 45 year old man-- my age, and then all of a sudden you wanna bang... 70 year old broads, okay? You want that, huh?
No.
You ever seen your grandmother naked?
Hell no.
Well, I'm talkin' about seein' her and wantin' to bang her. You want that?
[to Tommy, about their dead son] You know the only thing good outta this? Is that I don't have to watch Connor grow up and turn out exactly like you.
Hey, here comes the cake! [sings] Happy birthday...
Shut your hole! Now, I'm warnin' each and everyone of ya right now, anyone who comes up with that happy birthday bullshit, I'm droppin' my pants and taking a leak on this cake and walking the hell outta here.
[After Colleen tells him that she's a born again Christian] So what's the deal with these born again people?
Well, it means that I accept Jesus---
Yeah, yeah, I know all that. I'm talking about when it comes to [whispers] sex.
What?
When it comes to y'know [whispers] sex.
Oh, um, no sex until marriage.
Really? [Colleen nods] Cool I'm in.
But wait don't you wanna know about--
No, I'm good. One other thing, who's your mom datin'?
I can't tell you.
I'm pretty sure there's something in the Bible where Jesus says you should honor your father and your mother, and I think Jesus wants you to tell me who your mom is seein'.
Dad, when you want information you ask first then you offer the bribe. That's how it works, you did it the wrong way around this time.
Duh. I was trying to be nice.
And oh, by the way, you're gonna have to gimme another hundred to keep me from tellin' Mom about you gettin' Katy sick.
Dream on. I'm not givin' you another dime.
Then I'm callin' her right now.
Go ahead. See if I care.
[Colleen walks away, Tommy hears her dialing on the phone]
Ugh! Alright. And you call yourself a Christian. [hands her the money] Unbelievable.
I thought the hot new thing at school was blow jobs?
Blow jobs were so last year, c'mon Dad, catch up.
What's a blow job?
Uh, nothin', it's, uh, a hair cut...thing.
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