[to Janet, who wants more money] Yeah, lemme pull down my pants and grab the money that's growin' outta my ass.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[The whole crew is looking at the NYC skyline]
It's a nice view, huh?
Yeah. It'll never be the same for me.
Yeah, me either.
Even when they put up whatever it is that they're puttin' up.
It's like they're tryin' to erase what happened. You know?
It's insulting. Remember when they had those spotlights right after 9/11? I couldn't take that. I like it like this... empty. Just the way those scumbags left it. No spotlights, no new buildings, just empty.
Yeah. That's the thing about the spotlight, you know. Walk out into it and at first everybody thinks they see a good-lookin' all-American hero. But then you stay out there long enough and you know, they start to notice certain things. Maybe your nose is a little crooked, you know, maybe your teeth are too crooked. Maybe you got a little scar on your upper lip. Your hair's not right. One eye's bigger than the other. Next thing 'ya know they think they're lookin' at some kinda goddamn monster. Like they're lookin' at King Kong. Then they start throwin' shit at 'ya.
Well, I'll tell ya one thing. That morning they threw a couple a jets into a couple a buildings. And they threw at us the biggest job in the history of our profession. And what do we do? We gave up 343 of our guys to save... at least 10,000.
Yeah. And look at us now: Three years later and still waitin' for a goddamn raise. I'll tell 'ya what guys, we were on our own that morning and we're still on our own today.
[After Mickey told Franco that Tommy was seeing Shelia]
[to Mickey, in confession] Bless me father for I have sinned, and so have you. [he grabs him and starts beating him up]
[Sean is dating a girl who's a really bad kisser]
Now, you're talkin' about bad kissin'. Are you talkin' about too much saliva bad kissin'? Or using your tongue like an iguana eatin' a fly bad kissin'? [Sean and Franco give him a look] Hey, I used to be a player.
That was disturbing, Chief.
Yeah. And disgusting.
You shoulda saw the chick that I did it with.
What's with the camera?
Oh, my folks wanted to see where I worked. So I, uh, you know, I thought I'd send them a couple pictures give them an idea of what it looks like.
Oh, yeah? You gonna take any pictures of us?
I don't wanna scare them.
Hey, Laura. Can you do me a favor?
If it involves any part of your body, no.
Broads.
Crazy broads.
[sees Laura] Speaking of which. [to Laura] Banker's hours, sweetheart?
Sorry, darling.
Excuse me?
From now on, you call me names, you're getting them right back.
Don't push it, dollface.
Okay. Love-lum. [walks into the house]
Love-lum?
I've used it.
[Lou catches Tommy sitting outside the house in his truck]
I got this new girlfriend, and uh, she's really into antiques. Uh, and I remember that antiques shop up here and I went over to look at---
[interrupting] Who the hell do you think you're talking to asshole? I've helped you concoct some of the most bullshit cover stories---
[talking over Lou] This is not a concoction, okay?
---Under the worst possible pressure situations okay?
I have a new girlfriend, okay?
[mocking] Antiques, and my new girlfriend. Why don't you kiss my goddamn giant Irish pisshole? I've seen you out here in your truck 10, 20, times in the last three months. I figure you must to desperate to know what's going on so I figured I come out here and fill you in.
[About a woman who's reportedly trapped on the third floor, after the newspaper called the FDNY racist] Is she black?
I guess so. Given the neighborhood I guess. Why?
Well, we're racists. Just think how much easier it would be if we only had to save the white people.
[laughs] Or even, you know, models.
There you go.
[in baby talk] The diddle baby wants his big Daddy to bring some more soupy. Do you think that big Daddy can bring some more soupy-woupy?
That had better be the baby talking because if it's you, big Daddy's gonna come home and punch you right in the neck.
[about his date] She said if I can find her friend a date we can move on to the next stage.
What's the next stage?
The blow job stage.
I like that stage.
Yeah, it's the best stage.
[Franco puts the "moves" on Laura]
Can I tell you how this is gonna go?
Yeah, please. I love a woman who takes control.
You're really cute, and really funny, and make great faces, until I sleep with you which I eventually will because you're a tall stud and I'm as unlaid as a pile of bricks.
Sounds good so far.
But then I'll want more out of the relationship eventually, you know, me being the woman and all and I'm so goddamn good in the sack you will actually try and commit for the first time in your life. You'll change for me Franco. But then you'll resent me and I'll resent you for resenting me. Pretty soon we won't even stand being in the same room together let alone forcing our body parts to intersect. But we have to be in the same room because we work together. So unless one of us dies in a fire or moves away or kills the other. We'll be forced to remember the bloody horrific train wreck of a relationship that we had that started with your hand on my coat. But it's your move, stud.
[pause] I'll see you tomorrow.
Smart man.
[to Chief Reilly, who has had his face scratched in his sleep by his wife who has Alzheimer's] Next time you try banging the cat, put little booties over its paws so it can't scratch. That's what I do.
It's not like you need me around here anyways. The biggest call we got in the last three weeks was that old lady reporting a gas leak. Ended up she was the leakee.
...
I'm gonna go upstairs, and leave you three guys alone so you can blow each other.
You call me "honey" one more time and I'm going to kick your nuts through the top of your head.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.