Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Look, guys I wanted to get you together because we have a situation that's arisin...arosen. It's pretty important.
It's arisen.
Shut up. [to Lou] Is he right?
Amazingly, yes. How?
I've been bangin' this chick who plays alotta Scrabble. Hey, did you know that Q-A-T is a word?
Shut up.
I swear.
I said shut up.
Alright.
[about Colleen] I'm not exactly over here doin' a jig because she turned into a lezbo.
Hey, Tom. She is not a lesbian.
She has a girlfriend.
She's 15 years old. She's only had one boyfriend. When she's had to deal with 5 or 6 guys, then I can see her going gay.
I know you guys are talkin' about my tits and my ass. Just in case you are wondering, I'm a 34-C cup, my nipples are slightly larger than average and stand up like top-hats when aroused. My ass is tight as a snare drum but still soft to the touch. Any more questions?
Wow. [Laura puts Tommy's sandwich on the table]
Yeah. Can I get one of those? [points to the sandwich]
No. [leaves]
Did she just say top-hats?
I believe she did.
I've always been a big fan of formal wear.
[Tommy is pulled over for speeding through a downtown intersection]
Hey, how you doing? Hey, Collins man!
You better have a good excuse, Gavin.
Oh, you know what man, I got a phone call...
That was some dare-devil shit back there.
I know, I know. I got a phone call about twenty minutes ago. My mom had a heart attack and I got to get to a hospital.
Bullshit.
No bro, I'm serious!
Give me your license and reg... All right, the honeymoon's over Gavin, all right? So tell all your friends and all that hero worship you got after 9/11 ain't getting paid any dues anymore. We lost guys downtown too, but nobody even talks about us. 343 firemen. There was almost 100 cops!
That's true. Nobody's forgetting about the cops.
Guess what? You so much as look at a cop the wrong way and you're paying the price. All right, asshole?
You know this is going to come back to bite you in the ass. We got a big hockey game coming up again. A rematch-- in what, like a week?
Yeah, I'm real concerned about payback. Yeah, I hope your ma don't die while I'm writing you up, either. Have a nice day.
[whispers] Shithead.
Two fags in a tree.
It's a tree-some!
Where's Elvis?
What?
Isn't this heaven?
No, it's my garage.
Goddamn it! I'm alive. Shit!
[Tommy throws money into the air]
I think you asked for what? Four grand? There's about six or seven here.
Where did you get it, Tom?
The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
[to Laura] Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house-- you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
I'm tellin' ya brother. Havin' your picture in this calendar is like having a license to mint pussy.
"Mint pussy." May be one of the worst Ben & Jerry flavors of all time.
[About Sean's picture in the Fireman's calendar] You look like the Marlboro Man.
Really?
Yeah. If the Marlboro Man smoked cock instead of cigarettes.
Did you go outside like that?
Like what?
Like that. With your joint hangin' out.
Hey, you got issues with the human body, that's your problem. That's your shame-based religious upbringing rearing its ugly head.
Speakin' of ugly heads.
Don't lay your issues on me. I got no problem being naked.
Oh, yeah? Why don't you go upstairs and look in the mirror? I think there's more than one problem goin' on down there.
[After they found out they were cheating on each other]
Are you gonna stop seein' him?
Are you gonna stop seein' her?
Who is this guy?
Who's the girl?
Do I know 'em?
Do I know her?
You know what? Maybe, maybe we shouldn't be asking questions right now.
Maybe not.
You know what? Lemme just say this, okay? If you told me, what you told me and I didn't have somethin' goin' on the side, I would have been so goddamn pissed you wouldn't even believe.
Well, you know, I'd be pissed too.
[Tommy's kitchen is a total mess]
Hey, Tom. I made chili.
Yeah, no shit. What did 'ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?
[Shelia wants to tell something to Tommy but she won't tell him over the phone]
It's gonna drive me crazy, not that you don't have a lock on that particular skill, right now.
Why do you have to be such an asshole?
Practice.
[A guy was impaled by a tree branch from a rooftop garden]
Maybe we should uh, go up and talk to the tree. I mean, it looks like an accident but you never know.
Well, there might be a couple of scrubs up there that saw somethin'. I say we go up, uproot the whole goddamn garden and bring it in for questioning.
You know, just 'cause it's vegetation it thinks it can get away with this shit.
Shameful.
It really is.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
