MMax
Hey! Zak is acting like Wheezie!
And Wheezie is acting like Zak.
ZWZak and Wheezie
We are? WE ARE!
OOOOOH!
AHHHHHHHHH!
Maybe Quetzal will know why this is hapenning.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Let's get's over with.
Oh, oh, oh!... Wait!... I want to hold it.
It doesn't matter who holds it.
[annoyed] You held it last time!
Now we can make a wish to flip-flop back. HOOOOORAY...! [he flies away with Wheezie, they do two somersaults and fall to the ground]
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...
Wheezie, are you okay?
MMax
You're that funny color that Zak turns when you do somersaults.
Oh, gee, Zak, is this how you feel when I make us do somersaults?
If you mean all dizzy-wizzy in your head and icky-sicky in our stomach, yes...
Oh, I'm sorry, Zaky, I didn't know it made you feel so bad.
There's no one else here! This is hopeless. Zaaak... We already looked in the dailing flowers...
See what I made?
Why are you acting so silly when we have something important to do?
Ooh... Can't we have fun at the same time...?
Usually Zak is the one who gets upset because Wheezie acting silly...
Wheezie, when you act silly sometimes, aren't you just trying to make the job fun?
Huh, just like you're doing now.
OHHHHHHH! [laugh]
FOLLOW THAT STATUE!
Woo-hoo! I feel the tickle-lickle, that beautiful statue must have granted our wish...
So, Zak, how do you feel being back to your old self?
LOOOOOOOVE IT!
[Everyone gasps]
Hey, I can be silly too...
[Everyone laugh]
You want to know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together. I've been in the middle of shit that would make you piss your pants right now. Uptown, downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn. But there ain't no medals on my chest, assholes, 'cause I ain't no hero. I'm a fireman. We're not in the business of making heroes here. We're in the business of discovering cowards, 'cause that's what you are if you can't take the heat. You're a pussy, and there ain't no room for pussies in the FDNY. [to a snickering recruit in the first row] What are you laughing at, shithead? Huh? What's so god damn funny?
RRecruit
I just... .
Shut up! You speak when spoken to. You pussies better pray you don't get assigned to my firehouse. Because I have seen it all. I knew sixty men who gave their lives at Ground Zero. Sixty. Four of them from my house. Vito Castella... found him almost whole. Ricky Davis... found him almost whole, hugging a civilian woman. Bobby Vincent... found his head. And my cousin, Jimmy Keefe, my best friend. You know what they found of him? What I was able to bring back and give to his parents? A finger. That's all. A finger. These four men were better human beings and better firefighters than any of you will ever be.
FCFirefighting Class Instructor
Say "thank you," firefighting upper class!
FUFirefighting Upper Class
Thank you, Firefighter Gavin, sir!
[After everyone gets up and leaves]
Look, Doc...
GDr. Goldberg
Oh, you don't need to explain, I was at another firehouse last night and the reaction was quite similar.
The guys, uh, they're not gonna talk to a psychotherapist in the firehouse, especially not uh, female one.
GDr. Goldberg
What about the female firefighters?
We don't have any female firefighters in this house.
GDr. Goldberg
Are you threatened by women?
No.
GDr. Goldberg
You-- you don't seem to think that a woman can be a firefighter.
I'll tell you what, it's not about being a man or a woman, okay? It's about doing the job. It's about me getting home safe and sound in the morning to see my kids, okay? So, you got a woman who can do the job better than the guys on my crew? Bring her on. You know? You got a martian, or a cyborg, or a Chinaman that can do the job, bring them on too.
GDr. Goldberg
Are there any Chinese firefighters?
Yeah, probably. Somewhere in... China.
GDr. Goldberg
I'm sensing a lot of hostility.
You are very, very perceptive.
Dr. Goldberg: That's what they tell me.
[Tommy is laying money out on the table]
Alright, we're going to play a little game because Daddy needs to know some information on Mommy's new boyfriend. Alright?
[they all are silent]
But Mommy doesn't want us to talk about that.
I understand that, sweetheart. That's why we have the money.
We have sex with woman who ain't our wives and we make every detail available to the other guys.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm a gentleman.
Yeah, and I'm growing tits.
Hey, you should check a mirror, pal.
JJimmy
All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's review. Why are you two separated?
According to her?
JJimmy
Yeah.
You know, I... she says I couldn't open up, I wasn't emotionally available, blah, blah, blah.
[Talking about a fireman who retired and them came out of the closet, and also claims to know more gay firemen]
Well, maybe he just thought they were gay because they were well-groomed, and uh, into fashion. You know what I mean?
CRChief Reilly, Franco, Lou, and Tommy
No.
Well, maybe they weren't homosexuals. Maybe they were metrosexuals.
What?
My daughter used that term last week.
The teenager?
The eight-year-old.
What in the sweet chocolate christ is a metrosexual?
It means that you aren't gay but you like to do certain things that might be considered gay. [they all stare at him, looking totally clueless and in shock] Right?
No, asshole. He doesn't know what the hell he's talkin' about. Look, a metrosexual is like a straight guy who happens to you know, also like to go shoppin' and-- and get facials and stuff.
Holy shit.
Shoppin' for food?
Nice food.
Yeah, and wine, and... clothes. Yeah, I'm not explaining it right. Franco you know what a metrosexual is, right?
Uh, that would be a huge goddamn 'no'.
It's not like a gay thing...
It's gay and it's not gay. It's like straight, regular guys who get like facelifts and bikini waxes.
Enough. Enough.
Male bikini waxes.
Enough! Nobody in this firehouse goes out and goes shoppin' anymore unless it's for underwear or for boots or for a pair of goddamn gloves. And nobody, and I mean nobody, goes and gets a facial unless that means putting water on your face to clean up after catchin' a job. And the word metrosexual from this point on is banned from this quarters. (walks out)
What the hell's a male bikini wax?
That's when they take the hair off of your scrotom.
Ow.
[in a pained voice] Why?
Chicks dig it.
Chicks dig us shaving our balls?
[about Sean] He, uh, got a ball wax.
A ball wax?
Yeah. Me and this chick that I've been banging, we were talking about it right. And she said that it makes the sex better for women, right? So, there's nothin' on TV last night, so I get look through the yellow pages and I find a place and I do it.
So, this place, did you find it under "ball" or "wax?"
Let me tell you something, okay?
Hey, don't you threaten me.
If I want to threaten you, I will! Okay? You start a shit storm about my kids with me, you take 'em anywhere you want, I will hunt you down and I will find you. Four corners of the Earth, I will find you and I will take those kids back. That's not a threat, that's a goddamn promise, bitch.
What is it with these gay people? They're everywhere now: sitcoms, movies. You see the thing in the paper about same sex marriage?
Same sex marriages? Hey, right now I'd settle for a "some" sex marriage.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.