(wearing shades and imitating The Terminator) Hello, I am the Jackson-ator! [takes off shades] These will not be back! (wearing another pair and imitating Ozzy Osbourne) Whoa, rock-n-roll! SHARON!!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
(after Olivia leaves him, puts on shades and imitates Ozzy Osbourne) Sharon! I'm so confused!!
This is so frustrating. I spent all day yesterday trying to get Josh like Hannah Montana.
How'd it go? [fans out cards]
[smiles and fakes excitement] It went really well. He loves Hannah now, and we're getting married. [voice turns sarcastic] How do you think it went, ya doughnut!
I'm going to go with not so well.
Ding, ding, ding! And we have a winner.
[after Hannah sings a bad rap song]
Security Guard [standing next to Robby]: Do-di-do-di-do-di-do?!
Don't look at me. I didn't write that.
Lilly, I'm serious. How can I go out with a guy who doesn't like half of me?
He doesn't know he doesn't like half of you. So just let him think the half of you he likes is all of you. As long as the other half keeps her mouth shut, the three of you should make a beautiful couple.
I'll never get chick math. [shakes head]
Guys! You'll never guess who made the cover of the entertainment section! [waves newspaper]
[grabs a football] Hey Oliver! Go long! [throws football]
Too looooooong! [jumps high to catch the football and falls off the edge of that part of the beach]
On the other hand,the beach sounds fun,too.
But the mall has cute clothes.
But the beach has cute boys.
TO THE BEACH!
G1Girl 1
This is so cool. I’ve been waiting months for these scarves to came out. I’m never taking it off.
Great. Just be sure to shower in cold water only and lay yourself flat to dry.
Okay, next. Not so fast, short stuff, you know the drill. Arms out. [Metal detector bleeps by her mouth] I knew it, what you hiding in there?
G2Girl 2
Braces?
Yeah, likely story. Open!
Daddy, you know I dislike Roxy. She is the most terrible bodyguard ever and ever since she got back from her Marine Corps reunion, she’s been a vicious...
Say “Ah!”
G2Girl 2
Aaah.
...monster in your face.
Yeah, she’s horrible. Remind me to permanently fire her!
You’re right.
Alright, she’s clean. Doesn’t floss, but she is clean. Move along. Hey! But I got my eyes on you.
EEmployee (Milda)
Oh, my, that looks fabulous on you.
LLola
Actually, I’m just looking.
MMilda
Well then look someplace else, kid, I’ve got a car payment to make.
LLola
Fine, but I hope when I’m as old as you, I’m not as bitter.
MMilda
Oh, you will be.
This is incredible, all these fans and the store has even got a mannequin of me!
LLola
That’s not a mannequin, that’s a Hannahquin, Miss Montanaquin.
Oh, no!
LLola
What, that was cute-aquin.
No, I think my dad is shopping for my birthday present.
LLola
Oh, no, someone is gonna buy you something really expensive and cool. What ever will you do?
No, Lilly, you don’t get it. As a dad, he knows everything, about everything. But as a shopper, well, let’s just say the alarm should go off when he comes in to the store.
[Looks at really ugly dress]
LLola
You’re right, all that dress needs is a sheep and a bonnet and you’re Little Bo Geek.
I love him, but the man should not be allowed in the teen department with a credit card. Ugh, will someone please stop him.
Stop who? Where. I’ll get him! [Tackles a man] He’s clean! Move along you’re blocking people here!
Mom always knew the right stuff to buy me. She had great taste. But dad. Oh, man, he has the taste of a month-old pickle.
Look, no dad knows how to shop for a girl. You know what my dad gave me for my last birthday? A savings bond. You can touch it, you can feel it, but you can’t spend it. Pointless.
Well, I’d take a saving bond instead of one of these presents any day. Behold... the ghosts of holidays past. [Shows Lilly the dresses]
I think I’m gonna be sick. I need a fashion magazine! Cool, hip, trendy... Okay, all better. I can’t believe you actually wore these in public.
Oh please, they never made it out of the house.
Flashback to two years ago
Miley! Let’s see that pretty birthday number.
[Spills tomato juice on her dress] Daddy does tomato juice stain?
Flashback to one year ago
[Throws spaghetti over her dress] Mamma mia! Thatsa bigga staina!
Why don’t you just say something to him?
Because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. You should see the look on his face when he gives it to me and says, “I picked this out special for you, bud.”
Oh, the puppy dog look. My Dad gets me to shampoo grandma with that one.
Well you know, I don’t think I can take another one of his looks or another one of his presents. There’s gotta be a way to stop him from shopping again.
Well, what are you gonna do? It’s not like he’s gonna take you along with him.
[Smiles] True. But he might take you.
Oh, hey, why don't you try out with me?
Cheerleading? Give me an N! Give me an O! What's that spell?! No.
Have any questions?
A couple. First, what the hecky is a herky? Second, if one is called a pompom, does that make two of them, pompompompoms? [turning to a "thinking" pose] These are the questions that haunt me.…
Show me what you got.
Go team, throw the ball. Go team, to the mall!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.