You know what that boy needs? A real girlfriend.
Dad, that is the smartest thing you've ever said!
You what they say, every now and again, even a blind pig snorts up a truffle.
And that is the weirdest.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
What does it take with you?! What more do I have to do?! You and Hannah Montana are never gonna be together.
Why not?
Because... [takes off her wig and sunglasses] I'm Hannah Montana. Me, Miley. [Oliver passes out] Okay, that went well.
Have you ever pictured yourself with Miley, your friend, the dork?
You're not a dork.
Oh, come on. What about the time I tripped in the biology lab and spilled frog juice all over you?
Oh, right. Mom made me take off my pants in the school parking lot.
Or when we we were at Andrew's birthday party and you accidentally knocked me into the pool in your one-man stampede for the cake?
That's not fair. It was an ice-cream long cake and you know I have to get an end cut.
[holding up fish] Look at the size of this bad boy! Put up quite a battle, too. It was him! Then it was me! Then it was him! Then it was me!
Dad, you got him at the fish mart.
Yeah, but you should have seen the size of the lady who tried to take him from me. It was her! Then it was…
Alright, alright Dad, I get it.
So, what’s it going to be, Bucky? Pan fried or Barbeque?
Dad, remember what we said about naming the fish?
What? [sticks fish in Jackson’s face]
It makes him a little harder to eat.
Lilly, my dad said no.
You think he said no. He really said go. no. go. It's a mistake anybody can make. [drags Miley] Come on.
I love lying to him.
You're right it's fun!
[turns to Lilly] I just can't figure out one thing—why are we hiding?
Oliver, you naive, simple boy…with a very good point. (to Miley) Best of luck.
Let me paint you a picture. [grabs an apple and an orange] Hi, I'm Miley Stewart. (in a high, squeaky voice) And I'm her brother Jackson. [deepens voice and waves the apple] We snuck out to a movie last night where we saw you on a date with our father. Why are we telling you this? Out of an insane desire to get caught & grounded for the rest of our natural lives!
[rolls her eyes and stalls for time] Why do you always get to be the apple?
I can't! I'm from Tennessee. We don't do that.
Well you're in California now, and we do do that.
[Jackson and Cooper start laughing]
What?
You said "do do"!
Grow up!
You're the one that can't ask the guy out.
He's not just a guy, he's a ninth grader. I can't just put Eighth grade moves on him.
Good point. And besides, he probably doesn't even know you're alive. You're like some dried up insect on the windshield of his life. Not even in the center. You're way off to the side where the wipers don't reach. [making windshield wiper movements] squeak, squeak, squeak, splat. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak....
Lilly.
What?
This is officially the worst peptalk ever.
Then I ate a napkin, and then Jackson was all, "You said 'do do'" and Lilly was all, "Bug on the windshield," and I was all "Good night everybody!" and that's why we have to move.
Sorry darling.
[Robby picks up phone]
Hello...Hold on. Miles, it's for you.
I can't talk to anyone right now. Could you just make something up?
Sorry Josh, she's in the bathroom. It could be a while.
No!
Hold on, sounds like she's finishing up.
Give me that phone. Hi. This is Miley.
"It could be a while." You, sir, do not know how good you are.
Next time, I'm letting the machine pick up. You realize how much easier life was when she believed boys had cooties?
Yes! I can't believe it. I'm going out with a ninth grader! Woo-hoo! [pumps fist]
Don't believe it, because I'm not letting you go! Woo-hoo! [pumps fist]
This is so unfair. [pouts and gazes at her father]
Sad face.
[nods]
[points at his own face] Not-buying-it-face.
C'mon, Dad. It wasn't long ago that I was a ninth grader. And if he's anything like I was... [suddenly much more sober] You need to meet that boy!
Isn't that interesting? You have your opinion and he has his. You've gotta love a guy who isn't afraid to say how he feels!
JJosh
I'm a little afraid to say anything right now.
No, you're not. If everybody says that they like hamburgers, then he's not afraid to say that he likes hot dogs! Right? [nods]
JJosh
Okay. [looks confused]
And some people like skiing, and he's not afraid to say that he likes snowboarding!
JJosh
Yeah! [picks up magazine with Hannah Montana on the cover] Some people like Hannah Montana, and I'm not afraid to say she stinks!
Abso— What?
Son of a gun. [puts arm around Miley] The boy's got three feet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.