Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Gotcha Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your cornflakes!
Well, I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge.
Why, what are you, a spazzy?
No, there just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door.
That's the most pathetic excuse I've ev- *spots the bomb* GORDON WALTERS!
That's an atom bomb.
Oh no, it's the holocaust.
[A test card is on every television channel]
Absolutely pathetic! There's nothing on at all! Humph! Don't know why we bother to pay our license!
We don't.
But, haven't we got a license?
No.
But that makes me a criminal! [thinks about it] Right on! Yeah, this will shake them up at the Anarchists Society! Occupying the refectories! So what? This is the real stuff! I'm a fugitive! A desperado! I'm going to form a new union society, right? With me as president! "People Who Don't Pay Their TV Licenses Against the Nazis!" [takes out pad and pen and starts writing] This is only the beginning!
What are you going to do, Rick? Burn your bra?
[look at Vyvyan flatly] Well, someone's got to do it, Vyvyan! It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it?
Not if you haven't got a bottom.
Vyv! Eat the telly!
That's a completely brilliant idea, Mike. I've been waiting for this for a long time!
(Right Bleedin' Bastard sees the television cable hanging out of Vyv's mouth)
Ah ha! So you do have a... you little runt!
[waving] Hello.
The old trick, eh? Eat the telly before I get a chance to nick ya.
[pointing at the cable] It's a toaster.
It's a telly, you yobbo. Give it back, I wanna nick ya!
Mr Bastard! Mr Bastard! Toaster or telly, the contents of my colleague's stomach are private property and if they get damaged in any way we sue.
I'm waiting for that phone to start ringing and the world to start bidding any second now.
Well, they better hurry up... coz Vyvyan's escaped...
[Right on cue, Vyvyan crashes through the kitchen wall on a wrecking ball trying to set off the bomb. He then enters the kitchen a moment later.]
Missed!
Ok! Pop music! Let's go! Anyone here like the Human League? [No-one is paying attention] Ok! [The song plays quietly. Two policemen run in and smash the record player]
Right, the music's too loud! The neighbours have been complaining! You just watch your step sonny!
Wow, what is this? Tobacco or... Pink Floyd?
That's just typical. Five minutes before the most important party of my life and the house is destroyed by a giant sandwich.
Next week, right, I'm going to blow up a panda in Croydon.
Yeah, right on! Bloody zoos, who needs 'em?
I mean a police car, you terminal wally!
[trying to host a party] That's my flatmate Vyvyan. Hi, Vyvyan, what are you doing?
[pauses from doing push-ups] Shut up, you girl!
[laughs] He's incredible! I'm not a girl at all! Mind you, we're all pretty potty in this house. Last night, right, we were all watching the television and it was a program we wanted to watch, you know, and, uh, we were just watching it and right in the middle of it, I got up and turned it off! Mad! I don't care what I do, you know. Unless it's work or anything like that, you know. Last Wednesday we stayed up 'til one o'clock in the morning!
There's no chance of using your toilet, is there?
No.
I thought not, that's why I pissed in your garden.
[The clock's hands have spun rapidly.]
Is that the time?
No, the clock's broken. The hands keep whizzing round really fast. It's only really half past seven.
God, I'm bored. Might as well be listening to Genesis.
It was getting really hot. Then I thought, oh no, I should have put out that sociology file that was burning on Rick's bed.
Yeah, I did that. Trying to make Rick think I was hiding in his bedroom.
What? You set fire to Rick's bedroom? I think that's a very selfish thing to do Vyvyan. I was hiding in there, you could have given me away!
[Neil announces he's doing an inventory of the kitchen]
Neil, you don't have to do that! All my stuff is covered with sticky labels!
Wait a minute! Was yours the stuff with the sticky labels with "Rick" written on it?
Yes.
[mock sympathy] Oh, sod it! I'm very sorry Rick, I thought it was mine, and I ate them, every single one!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
